Outflanked

God took a rib and created Woman for him.

Imagine all the miracles He could do with a limb.

Man took his hand and tried to create in kind,

But all he got for his trouble was another man's behind.

On August 2, 216 BC Hannibal of Carthage led an army of approximately 50,000 soldiers against a Roman army estimated to have been 86,000 strong near the Italian town of Cannae.  Hannibal's numerically inferior army was able to envelope the Roman army and utterly destroy it.  Up to 75,000 Roman soldiers and allied troops may have been killed in one of the bloodiest battles in human history.

Today, numerically superior conservatives are being enveloped and destroyed in a pincer move by progressives.  Conservatives have chosen the valley of despair and indifference.  The progressives have outflanked them and taken the high ground.  On the hills of politics, education, science, religion and morality, a barrage of deadly fire is raining down on conservatives.  It's becoming a bloodbath.

I once heard somewhere that Man doesn't really advance.  As he takes steps forward in one area, he takes steps backward in another.  There does seem to be some truth in that.  We are a technologically enriched society but I believe we are morally bankrupt.  We have risen technologically and declined morally.  All the blame for that moral bankruptcy isn't the fault of progressivism, but I believe, as conservatives, we should put all the blame on progressivism.  Once (If?) we send progressivism back to the pit of Hell from which it came, then we can work on other sources for our immorality.

We are a society that tolerates a pogrom against the unwanted.  We're baby killers.  And we're good at it. 

The only time progressives don't think with a collectivist mindset is when they're assigning societal value to an individual.  Low men on the totem pole for them are babies, children and the elderly.  Abort babies, deny medical care to the elderly (a poor investment), and give children to same-sex married couples (a wise investment).  If progressives want to decrease the surplus population, and they do, then - after aborting babies - giving adoptions to same-sex couples is a good alternative.  A child raised in a homosexual environment will, at a minimum, consider it to be a worthy lifestyle.

I believe homosexuality should remain stigmatized to the extent that heterosexuality should be the preferred lifestyle.  By stigmatization, I mean in the same manner that a baseball team would prefer a 3rd baseman who bats 330 over one who bats 250.  One player is not a better human being than the other.  Giving marriage to same-sex couples is saying they can play the game as well as heterosexual couples in child-rearing and that is profoundly insane.

The Bet of Edmund Fitzgerald

The legend lives on from his commie Ma on down

 

Of the abortion doc they called Barack Obama.

Now Barack, it is said, never got out of his bed

Until the great ball in the sky was real shiny.

With a load of irons for twenty-six rounds or more

His putter swings would leave the holes empty.

The words he would mutter were only fit for the gutter

Shocking the Gals of Transgender who golfed early.

 

Edmund Fitzgerald was the pride of the proctology side.

He could do a complete exam in half an hour.

As doctors go, he was quicker than most

And his plans of action were well-reasoned.

His hands left no germs. They were supple but still firm.

His office was fully staffed in Cleveland.

Late at nights, well past when his wife’s dinner bell rang,

You’d still find him with colons he’d been feelin’.

 

Rahm Emanuel in Chicago was a tattle-tale clown

Who claimed Barack could beat Edmund with his wailing.

The three men knew, as any internist did too,

A preborn’s for killin’; a colon’s for healing.

The wagers came late and the contest had to wait

Until the Gals of Transgender got their stash in.

When afternoon came they had set the game

In the face of a hurricane of betting.

 

The rules had been set that Obama had to let

The hospital vote for his coloscopy patient.

Fitzgerald was shrewd and as a Democrat approved

Of stuffing the ballot box with his selection.

He had the Mexican landscape crew and his dead mother too

Vote for the physician’s assistant, Moe Vender.

When the votes were all cast and the decision announced,

It was sweet music for Edmund Fitzgerald.

 

How shall it be said that Moe Vender was large?

If one chose, one might picture a coal barge.

Now take that view and multiply it by two

And one begins to see the challenge Barack was facing.

Moe ate 12 eggs for breakfast and 12 burgers for lunch.

Between, racks of lamb were a nibble for brunch.

A serving of veggies was Jelly Belly orange slices

Or apple cobbler with cinnamon spices.

 

Moe was put under without a hitch or a blunder

And a 5 horsepower pump began the work of distending.

Barack started examining the polyps deep within,

When the winds of Moe Vender came early.

Nurse Huron rolls as Moe Vender blows

And Barack grabs a patch of Moe’s back hair.

With 5 minutes left, he had to be dexterous and swift

If he’s going to beat the time of Edmund Fitzgerald.

 

It was quite a feat hanging on to Moe’s feet

As he held the fiber-optic camera with his bare teeth.

Obama turned blue and his nurses did too

When the gales from Moe Vender came early.

 

In a musty old hall in Chicago they prayed

In the Black Liberation Cathedral.

The church bell chimed till it rang 29 times

For each second Barack lost to Edmund Fitzgerald.

 

The legend lives on from his commie Ma on down

Of the abortion doc they called Barack Obama.

Satan, it’s said, never gives up his dead

Especially when they killed children so early.

 

 

Prog(rammed) Babies

By what god did you cheat the plans of the 'Hood?

Does this god save beetles from the hearth's burning wood?

Your mother did not want you.

Your father flatly denied you.

And, if you could think, you'd know that's our view.

By some miracle you survived the salt's wicked burn.

A beetle shows less luck living the firewood's good turn.

Obama was right not wanting you pulled from the brink.

It's best had you died in the abortionist's sink.

But, you wormed your way out to find yourself here.

Just don't expect us to stand and give you a cheer.

Our five year plan will have to change without doubt

Since your soiled diaper will require us to Shout It Out.

Your lusting to live shows you have quite a nerve

Being that you start at the bottom of the curve.

It's thirty years up till you reach the bell's top.

That's complete encyclopedias of data per teraflop.

We've assigned you two parents named Wally and Wayne.

They're of the same gender but we're all basically the same. 

They'll feed you and guide you till you become four

Then you'll be enrolled in the school Common Core.

For each child, Common Core tracks 400 data points.

Does one parent seek God's grace?  Does one grace gin joints?

Schooling is more than reading, writing and arithmetic.

It has to know:  On Mondays, does your dog give you a lick?

In literature, Common Core doesn't dwell on the Classics.

You'll read government pamphlets on the safe use of hassocks.

Ignorance of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn doesn't matter.

You're wiser to know not to use a hassock for a ladder.

Understanding Kipling's The Gods of the Copybook Headings

Will make less sense than girls speaking tongues at gay weddings.

But Common Core's agenda is to make a docile citizen,

Not to teach the child how light bends through a prism.

Arithmetic under Common Core is all about process.

Don't worry about right answers, go out and have recess.

To add 17 to 29, write 10 + 7 plus 20 + 9.

If you comprehend this, you'll do the problem just fine.

Common Core is President Obama's Race to the Top.

Your president loves you.  He doesn't want you to flop.

All in one basket, the states embrace Common Core.

It's a vicious lie they did it to receive a good score.

Finally!  You planted a flag on the bell curve's top.

Let the music play and the champagne cork pop.

You're 30 years old!  So, Asians call you a dope.

Tomorrow you'll be riding an exhilarating slope.

You are back where you started 80 years ago.

You're helpless as a baby and your memories don't flow.

You recall an old saying, "Reading is FUNdamental",

But nothing but government pronouncements were ever on your Kindle.

The Whizzers of Laws

 

 

Weeerrrrr're OFF to be the whizzers,

The wonderful Whizzers of Laws.

If ever oh ever a whizz there was

We've whizzing on you with Obamacare laws.

Because, because, because, because, BECAAAZE!

Because it's a wonderful thing, you Jew.

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

I could be so elemental

Know a bean from a lentil

If I only had a brain.

 

I'd save youths in Iran

Critique the poem Kubla Khan

If I only had a brain.

 

I'd be contemplating for hours

About Michelle's wicked glowers

And her temper and disdain.

 

I'd tie Joe in a bundle

And together we would trundle

To run him over with a train.

 

Under my plant dichotomy

I'd classify Pelosi as algae

Because she leaves a green, oily stain.

 

I'd be so rootin tootin

I would glue the shirt on Putin

If I only had a brain.

 

 

 

 

Same Order (Primates) Marriages Are Next

I was best man at my best friend's wedding.

The sky was blue, painted with white.

The bride wore white, something borrowed, something blue,
A semi-Ann Hathaway delight.

Some people thought this wasn't a marriage,

But it sure looked like one to me.

The bride tossed the bouquet up into orbit.

My gosh, what an apogee!

Nancy reached up on her tippy-toes,

To add an inch and then some.

The bouquet broke her toes and wrenched one arm

But at least she had potassium.

Civil unions that confer all the rights and privileges that marriage bestows on heterosexuals, except for adoption, is the line in the sand America should not cross.

Mere Coincidences? I Think Not!

 

 

An asteroid and a 10,000 ton meteor on the same day!

 

 

 

 

 

Two comets, Pan-STARRS and ISON,  in the same year!

 

 

 

 

 

A pope resigns for the first time in 600 years because he is unable to fulfill the duties of his office.  What is Lint Head waiting for?

 

 

 

 

 

Kim begot Kim begot Kim got Kim.  It hasn't happened yet, but you know after the huge publicity Dennis Rodman got, Kim Kardashian is thinking about it.  Even the suggestion of hanky-panky would get her 5 more years of reality TV.  There has never been a Four Kims of the Apocalypse, but I fear it.

 

 

 

 

 

One forgot Islamic law and the other forgot his shirt.  Does the moronic and sometimes apish behavior of world leaders suggest Man is de-evolving?  If it does, it's nothing to worry about.  It's a short fall from where we are now.

 

 

 

 

 

Polynesians once worshipped icons that were forty feet tall,  had heads of rock and hearts of stone.  The Polynesians never heard of the Bible.  Today, these icons lie on Easter Island.

 

Today, progressives worship their icon who has an ego forty feet tall, a head full of rocks when it comes to economics and leadership, and a heart that's stone cold.  Progressives only know of the Bible as the butt of jokes, and their icon lies all over the world.

 

 

 

 

Ah-ah, Oh no, It's Joe

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let Joe shoot me down.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let Joe shoot me down.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let Joe shoot me down.

My chest has a hole in it because of this clown.

Oh yes, my chest has a hole in it because of this clown.

Joe Biden was a crazy man who had a crazy grin.

He said, "Ladies, buy shotguns for defense from crazy men."

He planned a media circus at some far off rifle range.

The networks loaded a caravan and they motored to Lagrange.

Ah-ah.  Oh Lord, don't let them go downtown.

Ah-ah.  Oh Lord, don't let them go downtown.

Ah-ah.  Oh Lord, don't let them go downtown.

There's Lafayette's statue and they might frown.

Yes, there's the freedom fighter's statue and they might frown.

I had my AR-15 and I slapped in a magazine.

Shooting it was easier than striking nails with a ball peen.

Joe was hugging women wearing a burgundy Redskins hat.

I blew away a target with a rat-tat-tat-tat-tat.

Always campaigning, Joe saw a group of Cherokee.

He took his Redskins cap off and he lofted it with glee.

The networks saw the stupid blunder the VP had just made.

They thanked The Great Obama that the broadcasts were delayed.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let Joe in public no more.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let Joe in public no more.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let Joe in public no more.

His crazy acts will make Obama's polls hit the floor.

Oh yes, his crazy acts will make Obama's polls hit the floor.

Joe gave a shotgun to a girl that was chambered with three rounds.

She aimed and pulled the trigger, not prepared for the rebound.

The next thing I knew I was bleeding quite a bit.

The girl had fired the shotgun, then lost control of it.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let her shoot me down.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let her shoot me down.

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't let her shoot me down.

My last breath was taken 'cause of a shotgun rebound.

Oh yes, my last breath was taken 'cause of a shotgun rebound.

The death of me, a terrorist right-winger, didn't make much of a fuss.

But now, Biden says what's best for you is a one-shot blunderbuss.
The moral of this song is if you think things are bad now,
Wait until tomorrow when you'll just throw in the towel!

Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't go to sleep no more.
Ah-ah.  On no, don't go to sleep no more.
Ah-ah.  Oh no, don't go to sleep no more.
The Devil will be waiting when your feet hit the floor.
Oh yes, the Devil will be waiting when your feet hit the floor.



  

I'll Take "Freaks of Nature" For 500, Alex

For $500, This is a picture of:

 1.  Barack Obama, when the Lord of the Flies was still a maggot.

2.  Biden's brain.  It has legs and feet for walking around it's huge space, and it shape shifts to make Joe's thoughts.  Joe is about to say, "Buy a blunderbuss!"

3.  The wall poster of a preborn found in Planned Parenthood clinics.

4.  The only thing in the universe uglier than Nancy Pelosi.

5.  A tiny harmless hitchhiker on human skin.  It's what really moves when your skin crawls.

6.  Michael Moore during the process of molting.

7.  A one-eyed, one-horned, lying, perp walking people cheater - commonly called a Democrat politician.

8.  Something absolutely not real!  Look at that snout.  It has a gear for a mouth!  This thing was intelligently designed, therefore it was likely created in a film studio outside of Hollywood.

Give up?  http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-03/if-earth-were-hosting-alien-species-what-it-would-look

Well-Adjusted ProgloTykes

The Supreme Court redefined marriage

As the union of Parents One and Two.

Bill Maher and Michael Moore celebrated

By saying their vows on The View.

 

Their marriage was very peaceful.

They never raised their fists.

The only time one balled his hand

Was when the other got his bedroom wish.

 

They adopted a beautiful little girl

And they named her Buttercup.

In the moment when she became of age

They trained her to pee standing up.

 

Buttercup never played with dolls

And certainly never toy guns.

She did enjoy the kitchen

When her parents ate the same cinnamon bun.

 

Bill and Mike adopted a baby boy

And decided to name him Sue.

Sue was so much easier to train

On how to use the loo.

 

Sue never played Cowboys and Indians.

He loved his chemistry sets.

His bomb made his parents laugh and laugh

When it moved bowels at a Home for Vets.

 

One day Sue said to Buttercup,

"Show me your's and you can see mine."

Seeing her little brother's, she exclaimed,

"I thought I would have mine with time!"

 

Psychiatry and expensive medications

Helped ease Buttercup's phallic frustrations

And her parents promised and promised

Miracles awaited with operations.

 

Buttercup changed her name to Bill Michaels

And became a lawyer for the ACLU.

She slit her wrists one gloomy morning

Watching all the women on The View.

 

Sue changed his name to Cynthia.

He had tired of the jokes.

He financed his cocaine habit

Giving older men sawbuck pokes.

 

I must admit the Left was unquestionably right

Even when children eschew Bibles for porn.

These children didn't turn out any differently

Had they been raised by Ayers and Dohrn.

 

 

 

 

NBA Shorts and the Like

"Keep your fingers off my butt, left-winger."

The Worm is a cross-dressing HERMAPHRODITE?

How'd basketball shorts ever hide those from sight?

Bill quoted the law

About Menage a trois

As Dennis negotiated the three parties' wild night.

 

 

 

"A Schoolmarm Bawled Hoarse"

 

The cure for this madness

Fills my heart with sadness, NOT.

When children are punished for paper guns and gun pastries,

The teacher should be hung from a tree by stapled-in pasties.

 

 

 

"Alien Abductions"

 

The Righty clings to his guns and God.

The Lefty must cling to an alien pod.

 

 

 

"Wish This Was Just a Nightmare"

 

Rip Van Winkle rested peacefully through the night

Because Reagan won the Cold War without even a fight.

He slept through Bush 1 and he slept through Bush 2

And awoke to demonic possessions and acts of voodoo.

He viewed a young man walking with an undulating beat.

"Young man, why are you bobbing and weaving your feet?"

"Well sir.  I dance to avoid the mess on Occupy Wall Street."

 

KEEP DANCING!