SEAL ONE
A chubby little asshole named Psy (his last name should be Chotic) will make a video that one billion people will watch. And all he does is what I did as a nine-year-old cowboy pretending to ride a horse. I could have been a star!
SEAL TWO
An authoress will sell 60 million copies of 50 Shades of Grey about women being pleased by abusive men. Just think how many sells she'd have with 50 Shades of Grey With Color Photos.
SEAL THREE
Quentin Tarantino will make the movie Django Unchained that uses the N-word 109 times. The movie's runtime is 160 minutes, so you'll hear the word "nigger" about half as often as Obama says "I". Tarantino is already working on a sequel starring Jamie Foxx who goes around killing all the white people. Oops! I think he's re-using the same storyline.
SEAL FOUR
People will want to flock to the magic mountain of Bugarach, France to survive the end of the world on 12/21/2012. If people want to survive, they should stay clear of Walmart's and Victoria's Secret when the stores open their doors on Black Friday. When people fight over sheer panties, that's a sure sign of imminent, catastrophic global warming. Why, there's even video of a man beating a woman with a hockey stick over a pair of undies. How prophetic is that? Kudos to Michael Mann.
SEAL FIVE
Alan Grayson returns to the House of Representatives. This is a sure sign the end is near. Or maybe there's too many old farts from the North living in Florida. Where is Obamacare's death panel when you need it?
SEAL SIX
Kim Il-Sung begot Kim Jong-il who begot Kim Jong-un. When will loco Nokos learn that naming a son Kim never turns out well? Naming a daughter Kim Kardashian doesn't turn out so well either.
SEAL SEVEN
A self-absorbed community organizer, who worked with the black communities in Chicago where black-on-black violence is the worst in the country, will take his successful skills to Washington DC and turn the whole country into the image of Chicago. And then the world. Then, will come the seven trumpets of end times. The good news is that it won't happen on December 21st.
