Yet-to-be Published Books

The abridged Cliffs Notes book of Barack Obama's most egregious lies.  The book's binding will have a thumbwheel counter built in so that the reader can update the title and add their own Obama lies to blank pages supplied.  DISCLAIMER:  The publisher makes no guarantees that the reader can update Obama's lies through the midterms since the counter only counts up to 9999.

 

 

The publisher offers the unabridged version printed on 16.5 trillion pages.

A suspenseful novel about mega-rich Chinese goldfish breeders buying America's debt.  When a piece-of-shit American president bankrupts the country, there's no money available to pay the Chinese back.  When the Chinese military - using American technologies stolen right under the piece-of-shit president's nose - begins making plans for an invasion of California in order to take the only things worth a plug nickle in the state (Disneyland and Ronald Reagan's ranch), the p-o-s president makes a fantastic offer involving Red State citizens and Koi fishfood wafers.

 

 

Pre-order your copy and you'll get PETA's book Koi are People! free.

Be William Wallace

For want of a vote the election was lost.

For want of an election the White House was lost.

For want of the White House the economy was lost.

For want of an economy a generation was lost.

For want of a generation the country was lost.

Look what a lazy Republican has cost!

IF "LONGSHANKS" WINS, YOU DON'T .

The Chair

I got shipped to a white house.  It seemed a nice place to be.

I just wanted to be some place where people would sit on me-eee.

"Hey sister, don't you sit here with that overflowin' glass of tea!"

She just grinned, shook her head, and parked a bus down on me.

 

Take your load off me, fannie

Take that load off of me

Take your load off me, fannie

I can't stand, stand, STAND

The load you put down on me-eee

 

I picked up my feet.  Started looking for a place to hide.

Then I saw a thin man and the Devil walkin' side by sigh-eyed.

"Hey Mister Thin Man.  You've got such a tiny butt.

Make me your office chair and you'll feel just like King Tut."

 

Take your load off me, fannie

Take that load off of me

Take your load off me, fannie

I can't stand, stand, STAND

The load you put down on me-eee

 

I was put in an oval.  It seemed a nice place to be.

I just wish Nicorette gum wasn't stuck all under me-eee.

On me sat Mister Thin Man, gloating about a house that he'd flim-flammed.

In strolled Jeremiah and the Devil screaming, "America's so goddamned!"

 

Take your load off me, thin man

Take your load off of me

Take your load off me, thin man

I can't stand, stand, STAND

The way your load burdens me-eee

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmRDM7GyJXE

 

Sun-sational

No need to believe in miracles

The universe is simple stuff

Man is a microbe's struggling

And Big Bang was Nothing's puff.

 

http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-02/nasa-captures-rare-beautiful-solar-fireworks-video

 

 

 

Children's Poetry Corner

Barack and Bill would run down Bunker Hill

As well as any Forefather.

They'd both mow down a rodeo clown,

Then perform a Spanish slaughter.

They'd do acupuncture with crochet points

And drive them through your joints.

But for the Left they be kings

'Cause they don't do waterboardings.

Bill had Monica and Barack wanted Thai

Beauty's in the beholder's eye.

In speedos, they'd arouse Barney Frank

To grab their butts for spanks.

They fixate on deaths in Newtown

Which should be seen as curious.

Where are the words they failed to speak

For Juarez teens killed fast and furious?

That's Gotta Hurt!

Tweedledum and tweedledee

Obama sliced his balls

Off Tiger’s tee.

But what caused

Obama to really rant

Was when Tiger drove

His  balls into a fire hydrant.

Bo is Diddley

Barack be nimble, Barack be quick,

Barack chomped on a Nicorette stick.

He crushed his butt against a drawer

And dispersed the ashes on the floor.

He blew the smoke Joe Biden's way

Hoping the odor, on him, would stay.

Michelle came in and looked around,

Saw the smoke and quickly frowned.

"Joe!  I've told you once before

Don't drop ashes on my clean floor.

Now, get your sorry ass outta here!

How's your day going, dear?"

Barack be nimble, Barack be quick

Barack saw Bo give his privates a lick.

He stuck stale gum under Resolute.

"Besides skeet, what's there to shoot?"

At his desk he ate a huge meal,

Swallowed the beer he didn't spill.

The kids came in to look for Bo

While Barack was at a New York show.

Of Bo, they saw not a single sign

But the desk had rings from father's stein.

They opened one drawer and found red phones

And opened another to find gnawed bones.

Barack be nimble, Barack be quick,

Barack removed Bo with a gold toothpick.

The Devil Went Down

The Devil went down to Georgia.

He was looking for young souls to steal.

He had finished his State of the Union

And he had plenty of time to kill.

He jogged up to the podium

And with teachers at his back,

He sang and enchanted the children

As if giving toys from Santa's sack.

Gather 'round me, children

And I'll tell you of my plan

To spread joy, hope and prosperity

Throughout this fruited land.

The only thing that stands between

My plan with its liberty

Is a single House of liars

Who won't set your parents free.

Conservatives say that you can't spend

Your way out of a debt.

Have your parents tell them

To wager a trillion dollars on a bet.

They'll say they can't tax the rich

But their words are just hot air.

Such words as their's require Poulan Springs

To give Rubio's throat some care.

I need money, lots of money

For you, my children, to thrive.

Much of my love have you missed

'Cause you're not four or five.

So, cling to your children and your guns.

Build your church upon The Rock.

May God have mercy on us all

'Cause Satan's back on the clock!

So Satan Made Obama

Satan said, "I need a man born of a Marxist black man from Kenya and a communist white woman from Hawaii, and raised in the Muslim country of Indonesia, mentored by a communist with an FBI file, having a suspicious birth certificate, a forged Selective Service registration, and a Connecticutt Social Security number."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who can go to church for twenty years and never hear a sermon."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who will vote present on a bill to protect a victim's rights to seal the details of a sexual assault case and then demand that his college transcripts be sealed."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who will defend abortion so vigorously that he will support legislation denying babies that survived a botched abortion medical attention, and can still con people with fake tears over the deaths of Elementary school children."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who can get Congress to allocate $700 billion on shovel-ready jobs, give half to his campaign supporters and throw the other half down a rathole, and then say that the shovel-ready jobs weren't as shovel-ready as he thought.  And get Americans to laugh."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who can sleep till nine, shoot hoops at ten, play golf at noon, look for this so-called Oval Office at four, schmooze Hollywood stars for millions at five, and shoot bin Laden in the head that night.  And do the same thing tomorrow."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who can choose a Secretary of State so inept that she gets an ambassador and three other Americans killed in Benghazi.  And the only person who goes to jail is the author of a Youtube video."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

Satan said, "I need a man who can lie better, deceive better, and recruit more enlistments into Hell than I can."

 

So Satan made Obama.

 

 

 

 

Web Nerd's Dictionary

Progressivism is leprosy of the soul.  It causes, in advanced cases, foaming of the mouth at the mere mention of waterboarding, and tail wagging at the carnage of drone attacks.

Fudge is the only dirty word in the movie A Christmas Story.

Shale oil, obtained through fracking, is a gift from God.

  

Barack Obama, obtained through two Marxists fudging, is a gift from Hell.

  

Freedom is the last treasure lost of a man and the first mortgage payment of a parasite.

  

Obamanomics is a financial system where parasites only have to make that first mortgage payment.

  

A rich man, in the Old Testament, was a man who could afford absolution through animal sacrifice.  Today, a rich man is an animal sacrifice.

  

Clintonesque is hard to define, but you know it when you see it.  Bob Menendez was being Clintonesque when he got it on with underage prostitutes.  He wasn't being Clintonesque when he failed to use a cigar.

  

An assault weapon is a semi-automatic rifle with a pistol grip or Bill Maher shooting his mouth off.

  

A rib-tickler is Nancy Pelosi in a thong after male House Democrats have had their pupils dilated.

Don't Blame the Moon for Man's Insanity

I took a short trip from my home

To a planet where lunatics roam.

There were nothing but progs

With IQs of logs.

Thank God, I'm back in my moon dome.

If NASA would have me, I would volunteer to go to Mars.  40 million miles isn't far enough from Barack Obama and his butt-licking followers.  But, it's a start.

Speaking of lunatics and butt-licking followers:  http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2013/02/08/Rahm-Emanuel-I-Was-a-Poor-Black-Child

Commander-in-Sleep

WAS HE OR WASN'T HE?  ONLY THE SANDMAN KNOWS FOR  SURE.  BUT, THE WHOLE WORLD NOW KNOWS THAT ON THE NIGHT WHEN 4 AMERICANS WERE BEING MURDERED AT THE BENGHAZI CONSULATE, OBAMA WAS NEVER - NEVER! - IN CONTACT WITH SECRETARY OF DEFENSE LEON PANETTA.  THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF WAS IN DERELICTION OF HIS DUTY.  PERHAPS, WHILE ATROCITIES WERE BEING COMMITTED AGAINST AMERICANS IN LIBYA, OBAMA WAS WORKING ON ATROCITIES COMMITTED BY MITT ROMNEY.

 

IF THERE IS FAIRNESS IN THE AFTERLIFE - I'M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH - THEN PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA IN 2012 SHOULD HAVE TO SUFFER SOME CONSEQUENCE FOR THEIR SIN.  THE GOOD PART OF THE CONSEQUENCE I FORESEE IS THAT OBAMA VOTERS ARE ALL ACTORS AND ACTRESSES IN THE AFTERLIFE.  THE BAD PART IS THAT THE ONLY ACTING THE MEN DO IS TO SUCK ON THE LIPS AND TONGUE OF MAXINE WATERS IN A GO DADDY COMMERCIAL, WITH A DIRECTOR DEMANDING INFINITE RETAKES BECAUSE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH NOISE OR SALIVA.  THE WOMEN DO A GO DADDY COMMERCIAL WITH HARRY REID.

 

"SUCKS" TO BE OBAMA VOTERS IN THE AFTERLIFE.

 

 

 

 

White House Warns Not to Photoshop Obama

OK, but the White House didn't say anything about not photoshopping "Chimp with a Wimp".

Good-As-Dead Men Walking

"Ask not for whom the dong toils, it toils for thee."

Menendez took leadership of the powerful Senate Foreign Relations Committee with Kerry's appointment to Secretary of State.  Now, he has the perfect defense for boinking 16-year-olds in the Dominican Republic: He was just trying to make foreign relations.  Es usted mi padre?

"Now is the winter of our discontent!"

Global warming stopped 16 years ago, which oddly is the same time that Clinton's sexual encounters with Monica Lewinsky stopped.

"An addled mind is the Devil's workshop."

In pushing the gun control agenda, Joe recently told of how he heard the gunshots from the Amish school massacre on October 2, 2006.  Yep, he and the other heads of cabbage heard it plain as day.  Abram!  Put some more manure on the cabbage before you come into dinner, son.

"A man can lead an ass to a trough of water, but can't make it drink.  But an ass can lead men to the well of the Senate and make them chug-a-lug."

The National Rifle Association showed that it lacked integrity when it endorsed this cupcake in his reelection.  No real man would follow this pasty-faced pastry.  Therefore, our new Secretary of State lacks cojones.  The good news is they would have withered away anyway in the presence of Michelle and Barack.