Charles Krauthammer is a Freaking Genius

QUIZ:  What do you call a Beckel bobbing in the ocean?

A.  a woman molester turned bouy molester

B.  a sex toy for a walrus

C.  a garbage scow in distress

D.  barnacle heaven

E.  flotsam, jetsam and dung some

F.  300 pounds of whale phlegm

Susan Rice said Bowe Bergdahl served with honor and distinction.  Bowe Bergdahl's hometown canceled his welcome home celebration because of safety concerns.  I'm tall, dark and handsome and a terrific dancer.

The above paragraph contains three lies.  One, Bergdahl served with honor.  Two, Bergdahl served with distinction.  Three, Bergdahl's welcome home celebration was cancelled because of safety concerns.  Anyone finding more lies can keep them to themselves.

What makes progs say lies that fly in the face of reality?  The simple explanation is:  That's what progs do.  And judging by Barack Obama, Jay Carney, Susan Rice and Harry Reid, that is a damn good explanation.  But, there is probably more to it than that.

I believe progs have a distorted sense of reality.  It's what Charles Krauthammer called last night on Special Report the White House's "conceptual problem".  Progs live in an abstract world where their lies are believeable, and maybe even true for all I know.  In this abstract world Bob Beckel can hit on Eric Bolling's wife, or some other attractive woman, because in Beckel World he's tall, dark and handsome.

In the abstract world progs live in Man does cause climate change.  That wouldn't be a problem for us flat-earthers except progs want to take trillions and trillions of dollars from us to fix Beckel World.

The Bittersweet Tail

STARRING



Once upon a time lived a candy ass president who didn't quite have a Midas touch.  Everything he touched turned to shit.  So, it might be said, "He had a toilet bowl touch."  Some claimed he led from behind, but actually, he led with his behind, which made his toilet bowl touch that much more devastating.

Candy Ass slowly turned the greatest republic in history into a banana republic, and like the Cavendish banana that fed the world and was going extinct, the republic stopped caring about feeding the world with staples and ideas of freedom and liberty, and was content with going extinct as long as it was relaxing.  Candy Ass didn't lead by law, he ruled by whim.

 

If the republic had cared about saving itself, it could have done so.  Even though Candy Crowley, as a debate moderator, was a cheerleader for Candy Ass and lied to the television audience to support him in a debate during Candy Ass's second presidential campaign, and even though most of the media supported Candy Ass, the republic knew - it was impossible not to know - that Candy Ass had a toilet bowl touch.

Candy Ass selected people with equal abilities to his to run his administration.  Therefore, they had no leadership abilities.  The head of the Justice Department looked like a whiskerless sewer rat, except that a sewer rat has beautiful, bright brown eyes that give it an endearing look.  Eric Holder looked like a whiskerless sewer rat with cataracts.  He called Americans a bunch of cowards, and Americans didn't mind.  They found it liberating and quite relaxing.

When Candy Ass went overseas, he was equally adept at making crap.  He once took a trip to Asia and met with the Eye Candy of Thailand.  He flirted with Eye Candy.  Oh, how he flirted!  Then, he went home to his wife, and probably got some crap beat out of him.  Eye Candy was overthrown by a military coup and placed under house arrest.  Defenders of Candy Ass will say forever that he had nothing to do with this.  But he went to Thailand, flirted with Eye Candy, and then she was overthrown.  That is pretty damning.  Just as damning as Man emits carbon dioxide, carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, therefore Man is causing runaway climate change.

 

Candy Ass is going back overseas and meeting the Candy Magnate of Ukraine.  As sure as the seas rise, Candy Magnate will be deposed by Vladamir Putin in the near future.  Candy Ass's toilet bowl touch is an unstoppable force.

 

Candy Ass is a bittersweet tail.  Half the world finds him bitter, and half the world finds him sweet.  Only a battle between Heaven and Hell will resolve who is right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



The CATUS

 

The Candy Ass of The United States

Why did we swap 5 Taliban devils for one American soldier?  When we could have swapped 100.

Obama should have insisted on sending every GITMO detainee to Qatar in exchange for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl.  He then could have closed down GITMO as he's been promising to do since first running for CATUS.

There is only one reason he didn't do so.  Barack Obama is a candy ass.  He loves breaking the law and flouting executive powers in the face of Congress, but he knows better than going from push to shove.  Or as progs would say, "Nudge your way to your goals."

Obama broke the law in the exchange for Bergdahl.  The law states that he must advise Congress before such an action, but he did not.  The administration said that Bergdahl's declining health made an immediate exchange necessary.  If you believe that, I have some magic beans to sell you.  Eat the beans and you never will need a colonoscopy, and you'll lay golden eggs!

Bergdahl had been held by the Taliban for five years.  Watch as his declining health will limit his activity to a flight to Germany for a "quickie" physical and then on to America and a hug from the CATUS on the White House Rose garden in front of a mob of reporters.

My sister predicted Obama would deflect attention away from the VA scandal by getting Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi released from a Mexican prison.  If she had been any closer to the truth, I would suspect her of being a spy for the White House ferreting out redneck traitors.

Obama needed a win.  And he needed it with the military.  Sgt Tahmooressi is another deflection that Obama can hold onto for two and a half years.

 



Some People Grow Up, Some People Progress

When I was a boy, I believed the orangish, bulbous areas on some pine tree limbs was caused by snakes biting the pine trees.  I don't recall why I thought that or why, for that matter, I even thought at all about misshaped pine tree limbs.  At some point, I should have asked the question:  Why would a snake bite a pine tree?  But, I'm pretty sure I never did.  I was probably busy smoking a stick or putting cherry bombs under tin cans.

If boys ruled the world, we'd be worshipping ladies' undergarmints.  Boys are stupid that way, and every other way you can possibly imagine.  I should believe in God just because I lived long enough to reach puberty.  Certainly, something greater than me was protecting me from me during those times Mom wasn't there and Mischief was.

I loved my boyhood, but I also love referring to it in the past tense.  The only thing that breaks my heart is having to refer to my mother, father and all the wonderful adults that touched my life in the past tense.  Growing up is life's consolation for the loss of loved ones.

What is the consolation for progressives in ageing?  They don't grow up.  They continue to believe snakes bite pine trees or its equivalence: man makes climate disruption.  If Obama and the UN saw they could control populations by promoting the belief that snakes bite pine trees, you grown-ups could be sure that the evidence that snakes have fangs and pines have misshapen limbs would be ample evidence to convince most progressives.

Perhaps, the consolation for progressives in ageing is retaining a father and mother figure, found most often in their political leaders.  If so, it's a terrible consolation due to the character and abilities of their leaders.

In her new memoir Hard Choices, Hillary Clinton states that president Obama gave the order to do whatever was necessary to protect the Americans under attack in Benghazi.  “When Americans are under fire, that is not an order the Commander in Chief has to give twice,” she wrote.

What adult would believe such a preposterous assertion?  On the night Ambassador Stephens and three other Americans died, there wasn't a "smidgen" of military assistance given.  If Obama had actually given such an order, he should have come out days later saying he was mad as hell to find out that his generals disobeyed his order after reading in the paper that no rescue mission was attempted.  Only in a child's mind could Hillary Clinton's statements be believed.

You Say Toe-May-Toe, I Say I Hate O

He fired his cannons till the barrels melted down, then he grabbed an alligator and he fired another round.

 

Obama has nothing left.  He killed his last straw man with his last straw.  He's furrowing old ground and kicking the same old tired horse.  The only thing new on the horizon is he has two and a half years left to drive me to the insane asylum.

 

Obama went to West Point and didn't make a new point.  His commencement speech was probably the most pathetic - even I felt sorry for him - speech given at any institution of higher learning in 2014.  That's saying a lot when Nancy Pelosi went to Berkeley and told the graduates, "Being called a disruptor, in my view, is a very high compliment."  Pelosi has been flying in the rarefied air of Truth lately.  Not only did she admit to admiring people who "disrupt", the people who tear down society, she didn't say one word about people who "construct", the people who make society function.  She also called Obamacare beautiful, which is true in her view.  If you had looked at her puss in the mirror all your life, you'd think Obamacare was beautiful too.

 

Obama has shot his wad.  He and Prince Charles can spend the next couple of years fighting over who will be the most listened to, yet most inconsequential human being on the planet.  Prince Charles got his wish to be the tampon of Camilla (bugged phonelines don't lie), and he's been a douchebag on the world stage ever since, spouting off incredible assertions about the imminent demise of humanity by manmade climate change.  Just as soon as he, Al Gore and Obama move into grass huts and start cooking rodents over an animal dung-fueled fire, I will take manmade climate change seriously.

 

With Obama's goose cooked, it's time for the crocodilian Michelle O to start serving vegetables.  You're going to be seeing and hearing a lot more from the FLOTUS in the next two and one-half years.

 

I hope Obamacare doesn't have high deductibles for psychiatric care.

 

 

 

It's As Simple As One, Two, Three

Washington Worm Tongues Would Be Fitting

 

 

 

 

50 senators, probably all Democrats, sent a letter to the NFL pushing for the Washington Redskins to change their name:

 

"Today, we urge you and the National Football League to send the same clear message as the NBA did: that racism and bigotry have no place in professional sports. (Racism and bigotry is used all up by Hollywood and Washington elites on rednecks.)  It's time for the NFL to endorse a name change for the Washington, D.C. football team." 

Having an American Indian mascot for an NFL team located in the District of Columbia is certainly odd.  American Indian tribes that lived east of the Mississippi River were forced onto reservations west of the Mississippi River over 100 years ago.  Here is a more appropriate mascot that is more representative of the kinds of people Washington DC holds in esteem.



 

 

WASHINGTON WUSSIES



 

A wussie is a pussy who complains about the smell of tourists and visitors to the nation's capital and would therefore certainly be repulsed by the smells of an Indian reservation or a Chicago ghetto; someone who literally cries about having to do his job instead of seeing the blooms on his pomegranate trees, who passes legislation to enrich himself and that bankrupts the country by making American businesses less competitive, and who raised a douchebag of a son to follow in his footsteps.  In the good and just days of old, a piece of shit like this would have been beaten to an inch of his life on the floor of the Senate by another senator with a cane.  Instead, his behavior is put up with and shows we've turned into a nation of pussies.





Now is the Winter of Our Discontinuance

Will there be a presidential election in 2016?  Will there be an America to have an election?  These are not frivolous questions, in my mind.  Progressives are cannibalizing on the body of a once mighty industrial Titan at a pace that makes me wonder if enough will be around to resuscitate in 2017.

If possible, who is there that could possibly resuscitate the Titan?  One person, I believe, is Mitt Romney.  But, I believe he loves his wife too much to run again.  Mitt Romney isn't my shining knight of conservatism and preserver of the Constitution, but he may be the most economically savvy politician and most decent politician since Ronald Reagan.  If being a decent man was seen as cool in America, Obama wouldn't have to be reading the New York Times and Washington Post to find out what's going on in his administration.  He could be writing books of fact, like The Biography of Paul Bunyan and The Life and Times of Pecos Bill.

Who else can resuscitate the Titan?  Ben Carson.  Ben Carson can fix brains.  And that's the next best thing to being able to fix minds.  Fixing minds is what America needs most because half of America is acting as if it's lost its mind.

Different Scale, Same Evil

Living Upside Down

 

Rarely does Andrea Tantaros and Dana Perino say something on The Five that I find objectionable.  But yesterday, they said something that I not only find objectionable, but worthy of my rebuke.  Ergo, this post.

Andrea and Dana basically said that Warren Buffet giving over one billion dollars to Planned Parenthood and other abortion groups was no big deal.  They said it's legal and Buffet has the right to donate his "hard earned" money as he sees fit.

Hitler rounding up Jews and exterminating them was legal since he was the supreme lawmaker.  He killed over one million Jewish children.  Buffet has facilitated the killing of over two million children.  Two million children don't exist because Buffet paid to have them aborted.

The Warren Buffet story will be in the news for one day and then vanish.  There's just not enough time to talk about it with all the more important stories.  Who will Sperling insult today?  What's with Jay Z and his sister-in-law?  Was Alec Baldwin wearing a helmet when he was arrested in New York City for bicycling in the wrong direction?  (If he was not, I want to give him a big wet kiss.  And there's nothing wrong with that when you're living upside down.)

President Clinton Uses Vagina as Cigar Humidor

I wonder what the results would have been if the New York Times had used the title of this post as a front page headline during the impeachment of Bill Clinton.  Would the feminists and Left have demanded Clinton's removal from office?  Of course, the Times would have never published such a headline, not because it isn't true, but because the Times doesn't hurt Democrats.

 

I wonder why Hollywood and the Left are outraged by the abduction of approximately 300 girls in Nigeria by the Islamic group Boko Haram.  When Boko Haram slaugthered fifty teenage boys and burned some of the boys alive, there was no outrage.  I did not even hear about this at the time.  The Left's blood doesn't seem to boil when Coptic Christians are killed by the Muslim Brotherhood and other Islamist barbarians, and Coptic Christian girls are forced to convert to Islam and marry old men.  Where was the outrage when Assad used chemical weapons on children?  The Left's only response was for the Ambassador for Humanity, Barack Obama, to immediately erase his red line.  Where is the Left's outrage over Putin partitioning an almost defenseless country?  The Ambassador for Humanity's answer to this injustice is to send Ukraine meals-ready-to-eat.

 

I would chalk up the Left's outrage to the abduction of the Nigerian girls and not to other brutal acts of barbarism as just the Left showing their insanity.  They are indeed insane.  They outlawed the miracle insecticide DDT based upon mythology, not science.  The World Health Organization reports that an estimated 627,000 people died from malaria in 2012, most of the deaths being African children.  ( 627,000 vs 300, Persia vs Sparta odds)  DDT would have saved these people.  The Left is turning corn into ethanol on a starving planet based upon their mythology, not science.  The idiots of the Left might as well try to control the evaporation of water molecules from the planet's oceans as try to control the climate.  If they want to control the climate, controlling the evaporation of water molecules is exactly what they have to do, because water vapor is by far the most significant greenhouse gas.  No, I think this outrage over the Nigerian girls by the Left isn't coming from their liminal "brain" because their liminal brain wouldn't be outraged.  These are just 300 girls, most likely Christian, abducted by Muslims to be converted to Islam.  A situation no different to the Coptic Christians in Egypt.  I believe the Left's outrage is coming from their subliminal "brain".  The subliminal is reminding the liminal that messing with a female's vagina is a damnable sin.

 

The Boko Haram have really stepped in some elephant dung.  But, there is a way out for them.  If they promise free healthcare and visits by Planned Parenthood to all the girls, they won't suffer the wrath from the Ambassador for Humanity, and Michelle can remove that fake dour expression from her face and start planning her next multi-million dollar vacation.

 

 

 

Oxymorons

progressive Catholic:  Examples of this oxymoron include Joe Biden, John Kerry and Nancy Pelosi.  They claim to be Catholics and yet support the killing of preborns.  Priests should cross their foreheads with white-hot branding irons, because simple ash doesn't get through the numb skulls.  Being Catholic and being pro-choice (Pro-choice is not an oxymoron.  It's a prevarication.) is like trying to deep fry chocolate pudding.  You'll only get something pleasing and familiar to the ass of someone like Michael Moore.

 

reproductive health:  As used by progressives means the right to abortion.  Using the derivative of reproduce in this way, I want to reproduce Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Dr. Gosnell.  STAT!

 

climate change:  According to progs, the climate shouldn't change.  The climate should always be at the optimum temperature for growing marijuana.

 

armed conflict:  A sure-as-Hell oxymoron when describing Russia's conflict with the Ukraine because Obama won't give arms to Ukraine for Ukrainians to defend themselves.

 

naked aggression:  An oxymoron because while Putin has taken his shirt off, he hasn't taken his pants off, yet.  He could be afraid that Obama would retaliate by taking off his mom jeans.  If this were to happen, it would create another oxymoron:  a Weiner Fest.

 

Ambassador for Humanity:  A definite oxymoron because this award, Ambassador for Humanity, was presented by Steven Spielberg to Barack Obama.  For this to not be an oxymoron, humanity would have to be defined as a subset of humans to not include preborns, conservatives, Eastern Europeans, Syrian refugees, Republican congressmen, Iranian dissidents, drone "collateral damage", a Pakistani doctor, a Youtube video maker, the Koch brothers, border patrol agents killed by Fast & Furious guns, all the starving people in the world who would love to eat an ear of corn or the farm animals that could be raised on the vast amounts of corn being converted into biofuel, and all the poor of the world who will remain in poverty because of Obama's and the UN's climate change agenda.