The Selma Witch Trial

You Can't Spell Selma Without S-A-L-E-M

Judge:  "Will the accused please rise.  Barack Hussein Obama Jr, you are accused of the capital crime of practicing witchcraft.  How do you plead?"

BHO:  "Not guilty."

Judge:  "Is the State ready for its opening argument?"

Prosecutor:  "We are, your honor.  Your honor, members of the jury, the State will prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the defendant, Barack Hussein Obama, willfully practiced witchcraft for the purpose of attaining high office.  We will show the defendant, in his own words, describing how his birth was a direct result of the civil rights march in Selma, Alabama in 1965.  We will also show the court the notarized birth certificate of Barack Hussein Obama Jr. having a birth date of 1961.  Now, either the defendant was spawned through witchcraft or he's a goddamned liar."

Judge:  "I won't tolerate profanity in my court!  Any more profanity will get you contempt of court."

Prosecutor:  "I apologize your honor.  The deeds of the defendant and their results have been of such a grave nature to our country, and the world, that I let my emotions get the better of me.  May I proceed with my opening argument?"

Judge:  "You may."

Prosecutor:  "The State is going to show the defendant on innumerable occasions feeding transparently obvious lies to the public.  The defendant said if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor, and he said his administration is the most transparent administration in history.  He said the death of ambassador Stephens at Benghazi was terrorism when, in fact, he blamed a video.  We have Mr. Hussein, on video, stating there was not a smidgen of corruption in the activities of Lois Lerner and other IRS employees while evaluating the tax statuses of conservative groups. The list of lies of Mr. Hussein is so extensive that the State has chosen to only present his most egregious lies, and we will present them to the court under the title, 2001 Lies, A Disgraced Odyssey.  Members of the jury, you will conclude that witchcraft had to be involved in Mr. Hussein obtaining the most powerful position in the world.  To do otherwise would be admitting the American people are stupider than dirt and no longer capable of self-government."

Defense Attorney:  Before I begin my opening argument, your honor, will you please instruct the prosecution to refer to my client by his proper name?"

Judge:  "The prosecution will refer to the defendant as the defendant or Mr. Obama."

Defense Attorney:  "Your honor, my client is president Obama."

Judge:  "The outcome of this trial will determine that, begin your argument."

Defense Attorney:  "Your honor, members of the jury, the defense will prove that the birth certificate of my client from the state of Hawaii is a forgery and that he was born after his parents came together following the march in Selma in 1965.  My client was born in Kenya.  We will present the defendant's Social Security number that bears the state of Connecticut's numerical prefix 042 even though president Obama has never lived in Connecticut.  We will also present to the court the defendant's college transcripts showing that he attended the most prestigious institutions in America as a foreign exchange student.  The defense will show that president Obama has lied to the electorate repeatedly, but never - NEVER - has there been witchcraft used by the president.  The defense will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the American people are just too damn stupid to govern themselves."