That Explains That

The Obamas were in Hawaii and Biden was checking out the "big chair" when the red phone rang.  It was the Pentagon saying the Taliban had captured Bowe Bergdahl.  Joe thought the Pentagon said the Taliban had captured Bo the bird dog, and told them to do everthing possible to free the family pet.

It's going to be a lot tougher for Michelle to find help for the White House garden this year.  Last year, Barack couldn't contain his excitement when Michelle said she was going to the garden to pull on some weeds.  Unlike Bill Clinton, Barack knows the pleasures of inhaling.

There's a secret book in the Library of Congress that only presidents have access to.  Throughout history, presidents have added to the book things they believed best symbolized their presidencies.  Bush opened the book and found a pair of women's panties and never opened it again.  Obama removed the stained underwear and kept them because they reminded him of golden moments spent with Frank Marshall Davis.  (See Obama's poetry)

There's a subterranean vault beneath the White House for national emergencies.  There's no truth to the rumors that Michelle has moved Sasha and Malia's bedrooms down there because she knows Barack's and John Kerry's negotiating skills.

There are National Security Council discussions of replacing the Secret Service with Victoria's Secret.  There won't be any reduction in the president's safety and Michelle will have someone to give the food to that she takes away from school lunchrooms.

When referring to HRC, I have been personally warned by Hillary Clinton Super Volunteers not to use words or phrases like skank, she-male, political whore, empty pants suit, or New York's illegal immigrant, but they say I can denigrate Bill as much as I like.  So I'll just refer to Hillary as Bill's turd term.