Politically Correct TV Shows

I Heard It Through the Grape Vine

Even if you're only a casual observer of The Five on FNC, you've probably heard Eric Bolling rave about the TV show The Walking Dead.  I haven't watched the show because I'm just not interested in a show about Democrats.

One of the perks Obama and Kerry gave Iran is that wives of Iranian diplomats in Washington DC will be driven by Secret Service agents to elementary school.

 Al Gore, the most influential person in the world on manmade climate change, made a D in the Harvard course Natural Sciences 6.   Natural Sciences 6 was titled "Man's Place in Nature".  And you thought God didn't have a sense of humor.

In the new Avengers movie out this May, Captain America goes into Iran to free American marine Amir Mirza Hekmati because "the Cap" knows Obama and his administration are just a bunch of bullshit liars about never leaving American soldiers behind.

Obama, being a man of his word, has been so flexible - and accommodating - that Putin has broken off his affair with a Russian gymnast.  One of the accommodations was that Obama agreed to bow away from Putin.

Scooter Libby, instead of relying on the compassion and wisdom of George W. Bush, which was trust definitely misplaced, should have just crammed classified papers down his pants to stay out of prison.

Either Valerie Plame or Marie Harf should dye their hair.  There's a case to be made that their hair color is cruel and unusual punishment to blonds.

If Debbie Wasserman Shultz becomes a bleach blond, blonds will start dropping like flies.

Barack Obama wants an end to conversion therapy for young gays, lesbians and transgenders.  But, I'm sure he thinks the therapy could be useful for the adopted children of gay couples.

Barack Obama said he's dismayed by the lack of love he sees from Christians.  Well, he's right about that.  Christians don't love cutting off heads.  They don't love killing homosexuals.  They don't love pedophilia.  They don't love enslaving women.  They don't love imprisoning people for different beliefs.  They don't love calling Jews monkeys.  They don't love cheering when 3,000 innocent people die.  And they don't love the idea of returning to the 7th century.

Love is a many-splendored thing and Barack is enthralled with the splendors of Islam.

 

I Ran, You Ran, We All Ran For a Bar-Gan

For the next few months all you'll be hearing about is the great bargain Obama and Kerry achieved with Iran.  So, let us count the ways this nuclear deal is a "good deal".

1)  Iran will stop its ICBM program.  After all, ICBMs are worthless without nukes.

Well, not really.

2) The US can withhold enough of the billions being repatriated to Iran to pay each family of an American soldier killed by an advanced armor-piercing IED Iran provided to the Taliban and Iraqi militias $10 million.

Well, not really.

3)  Iran must acknowledge the right of Israel to exist.

Well, not really.

4)  Iran must free all Americans being held unjustly in Iranian prisons.

Well, not really.

5)  Iran must stop providing arms and rockets to Hezbollah and Hamas, two terror organizations.

Well, not really.

6)  Iran must stop uranium enrichment and send already enriched uranium to Russia for safekeeping.

Well, not really.

7)  Iran must allow on-the-spot inspections of its nuclear facilities.

Well, not really.

8)   Iran must stop its proxy wars in the Middle East being used to advance its hegemony.

Well, not really.

9)  The Supreme Leader of Iran must put that fatwa against nuclear weapons, that Obama insists he issued, down on paper so someone besides Obama can see it.

Well, not really.

10)  Iran must agree to never kill its unarmed citizens again during peaceful protests.

Well, not really.

11)  Iran must change its name that was derived from the Sanskrit word arya.  Another word derived from arya is Aryan, as in the master race Hitler espoused.  So, Iran's leadership might stop behaving like Nazis if they change their name.

Well, not really.

12)  Iran must agree to look like its behaving itself until, at least, John Kerry gets a Nobel peace prize and Obama leaves office with another notch in the Resolute desk.

Really.

Ayatollah Obama issues Fatwa Against GITMO and Federal Prisons

In one scene from the movie Braveheart, William Wallace is dreaming about his dead wife.  She says to him, "Wake up, William.  You must wake up."  To which William replies,  "I don't want to.  I want to stay here with you.", which is exactly what I say to George and Thomas when I'm dreaming about America's founding.

Things could have been much different for Wallace's wife had there been a trustworthy media.  But, Blarney Stone magazine decided not to cover the attempted rape of Wallace's wife because they were too busy defending themselves after they published a ludicrous rape story.  And the town crier, William Bryan, could have rallied public support for Wallace's wife if he hadn't been suffering from PTSD following a catapult attack on the wagon he was riding in.  The moral is: Without an honest and trustworthy media doing its job, things that shouldn't fall in the crapper do.

The media is raving about Obama's and Kerry's Carrot and Shtick diplomacy.  Iran will be laughing all the way to a nuke.

What do you call The Five without Bob Beckel?  The answer is:  The Juan Williams Show.  I never thought I'd put these words to virtual paper:  I miss Bob Beckel!  A relatively quiet, brooding Beckel beats a conversation hog like Williams any day of the week.  Did you know there is only one topic Juan Williams won't touch?  That is whether piping loud rock music into a terrorist's cell is torture.  The reason is Juan Williams thinks the exact opposite of that, silence, is torture.

Obama will issue a fatwa (executive order) to close GITMO and all federal prisons before he leaves office.  All Guantanamo terrorists and federal inmates from the 58 or 59 states will be released and pardoned.  Obama said he visited 57 states, said he had 1 more to go, then said his campaign advisors wouldn't let him visit Alaska and Hawaii, so I don't know how many states there are.  That's a mathematical nut I can't crack.

All these former prisoners will be given a home in Martha's Vineyard, a Maserati, and a credit card issued by the Federal Reserve.  They can buy anything they want and pay for it with funny money.

You may think I'm joking, but why?  This is what progressives do.  People crossing our borders without an invite are just undocumented citizens and it should be mandatory that they vote.  Mumia Abu-Jamal isn't a cop killer.  He's a rock star.  Michael Brown had his hands up.  You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so reward Iran's ISIS-ish behavior with goodies to get them to the bargaining table.

My approach would be to spray the flies with sulfuric acid and don't worry about catching them.

Europeans paid the Barbary pirates (Muslims have been acting badly for a long, long time) a tribute so the pirates wouldn't attack the Europeans' ships and ransom their sailors.   Progressive blonds should really consider paying a tribute to Marie Harf of the State Department because she's been holding their intelligence up for ransom.  Of course, this could start a bidding war between progressive blonds, progressive brunettes and progressive redheads, each trying to get Marie not to choose their hair color.  A conservative woman, taking a cue from Thomas Jefferson who just kicked the Barbary pirates's asses, would just shave Marie.

The State Department believes ISIS terrorists just need a jobs program to quell their violent tendencies.  OK, but please don't give them the same jobs program Obama gave America.  There will be so few shovel-ready jobs that the ISIS fighters will go back to chopping off heads with a vengeance.

ADL Not Exactly JLA

The Anti-Defamation League is not exactly the Justice League of America, even when excluding the fact that the JLA has superheros and fights evil and the ADL fights a specific evil, anti-Semitism.  Superman, Green Lantern, Flash et al are all about fighting evil wherever it exists.  The Anti-Defamation League seems to be more selective about where it fights anti-Semitism.  There's plenty of anti-Semitism in the Obama administration that the ADL seems to overlook.

Voices in the Obama administration call Israel an occupier, but these same voices are either mute or can't be heard above the cosmic background noise when it comes to Putin and Russia.  It takes instruments cooled with liquid helium down to minus 269 degrees Centigrade to detect the cosmic background noise, which is almost as cold as Barack Obama's heart.  Someone in the Ob-Ad called Bibi Netanyahu a chickenshit.  Now, White-Ho officials should know all about chicken shit since they have to clean it off their noses often after intimate contact with Ba-Ob's butt, but calling Bibi a coward is taking baldfaced lies into new territory.

Looking at the Op-Ed archive on the ADL's website shows titles such as Obama's Israel Itinerary: All the Right Places and Obama Strikes the Right Balance in Israel, but there are no Op-Ed titles that would suggest an editorial discussed the FAA halting American air-carrier flights into and out of Israel during Hamas' rocket attacks in 2014.   After a single Hamas rocket impacted about a mile from Ben-Gurion International Airport, the FAA and Europe instructed airlines to cancel their flights to Israel.  Contrast this to the American reaction to a Malaysian passenger jet being intentionally targeted and shot down by Russian-backed rebels in Ukraine.  298 people were killed, including 80 children, and the FAA did not instruct air-carriers to stop flights to Ukraine or Russia.

 

 

WWJD This Easter?

Would Jesus send condolences to a country that had almost 150 Christians brutally killed and not mention their religion?

Would Jesus stop flights to a country being attacked by rocket fire in order to hurt that country's economy, and not stop flights to the Ukraine and Russia where Putin's mongrels intentionally targeted and destroyed a Malaysian passenger jet?

Would Jesus disparage people by calling them clingers to religion?

Would Jesus write a poem about his youth where he was with a man drinking hard liquor and both were in their underwear, having identical stains?

Would Jesus govern a country where Christianity is being marginalized in its military?

Would Jesus negotiate a treaty, from weakness, with a brutal regime that imprisons people for proselytizing Christianity, kills people for homosexuality, guns down young people in the streets during non-violent protests, finances terrorism, calls for the deaths of Israel and America - AND - even if the treaty is finalized and works, it's likely only to work until Jesus "gets outta town"?

Would Jesus say baldfaced lies such as the leader of Iran has issued a fatwa against nuclear weapons and the inspections of Iran's nuclear sites will be "unprecedented" in order to get a deal?

Would Jesus play golf within minutes of talking about the deaths of Americans or go to bed early while Americans are under attack in Libya so that he can fly to Las Vegas in the morning for campaign fund raising?

Would Jesus yammer on and on about the wonderful Islamic holidays?

Would Jesus stand at a podium and talk about the deaths of school children and tug at his eyelids trying desperately to make a tear and then shed tears quite easily when his attorney general resigns?

Now that we know Barack Obama isn't Jesus.  Who the HELL is he?

 

It's a Wonderful Day in the Arab Neighborhood

WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?

I thought Obama and Kerry were all about existing in a new century that had divorced itself from the bad behaviors of the past.  So, why have they been using Mr. Rogers' diplomacy, which was used in the 1930's and resulted in the deaths of 6 million enslaved Jews and millions of armed soldiers by the end of the mid 1940's?  Could it be they think freedom loving Jews are a bigger danger to peace than bomb-wielding Muslims?

Susan Rice, Rhodes squeal, said America's approach to Iran will be "Distrust and verify" in a speech to the AIPAC organization (American Israel Public Affairs Committee).  Obama said, after the negotiated framework of a nuclear deal with Iran, that the inspections of  Iran's nuclear facilities will be unprecedented.  Under this deal, we should therefore believe that stopping Iran from acquiring a nuke will be a "slam dunk".  The problem with believing this is it won't be a hulking Wilt Chamberlain protecting the nuclear basket, but a bony-assed Neville Chamberlain.

British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain probably believed that Hitler's rhetoric was only for domestic consumption and that giving Hitler a few bread crumbs (part of Czechoslovakia) would result in "peace in our [their] time".  The Obama administration wants us to believe that the leader of Iran calling for "death to America" is also just for domestic consumption.  The Mr. Rogers' diplomacy of Neville Chamberlain was too ambitious.  He wanted peace for a generation.  Obama learned that lesson.  He's only looking for peace in his time.

Beauty Advice to Harry and Friends From Cindy Crawford

Dear Harry,

What on earth has prettier eyes than a sewer rat?  The answer is nothing.  A sewer rat's eyes sparkle like flawless black pearls.  The secret to the sewer rat's beautiful eyes and the answer to meaningful beauty and eye health is not cucumbers, botox injections or expensive doctors' visits, but putting shit in your eyes.

You and your friends are so lucky!  Nature gave you a plentiful and fresh supply of this beauty secret just a nose-length away.  So, I plead with you, with as much sincerity as Prince Charles pleaded with his countrymen to turn off their lights for Earth Hour, to use what nature gave you to save your eyes.

Your admirer,

Cindy Crawford

PS:  I may or may not be Cindy Crawford because as your defenders say, "Everyone lies."  I could really be Cindy Crawford giving you the only medical advice that will save your damaged eye, or I could be an impostor who hopes your fucking eyeball falls out of its socket and winds up in Obama's golf bag.

The Selma Witch Trial, Act II "I Object to This Country"

*THIS IS A CONTINUATION OF "THE SELMA WITCH TRIAL" POST*

A New York Times reporter in the courtroom has jotted down notes in shorthand following the opening arguments of both the Prosecution and the Defense:

pros must have no hard evid.  it must be basin its case on circum evid.  must think elim stupid amercans as reson for 2 terms will meen witchcraft is reson.  Def is goin all out to prove amercans just stupid.  will admit to all obvius lies and disemblin of potus to prove amercans just plane stupid an potus is no witch.

Judge:  "Is the prosecution ready to call its first witness?"

Prosecution:  "We are, your honor.  The State calls the senator from the state of Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren."

Elizabeth Warren takes the stand and says, "I do."  Her husband, seated in the courtroom, has his mind wander back to the worst day of his life when he married the squaw.

Prosecution:  "Permission to treat as a hostile witness, your honor?"  (Before the judge can respond, the Defense blasts off from his chair.)

Defense:  "I object, your honor!  I object to the term hostile being used for this witness.  And I strenuously object to the prosecution emphasizing the second syllable of hostile.  He's being anti-native American!"

Judge:  "For the remainder of this trial, we will use belligerent in place of hostile."

Prosecution:  "I object to that, your honor.  The first syllable of belligerent is bell and may conjure up the image of a Southern belle in the minds of the jurors when I'm calling female Democrats.  And that is the last image imaginable they should have in their heads."

Elizabeth Warren:  "I object!"

Judge:  "Just call your witnesses exceptional and I'll know what you mean, Mr. Prosecutor."

Prosecution:  "All right, your honor.  Now, Senator Warren.  Outside of his political career, what job did the defendant, Barack Obama, perform that most Americans singularly know him for?"

Warren:  "I would suppose a community organizer."

Prosecution:  "That is exactly right.  And back to the subject of syllables, what are the first two syllables of the word community?

Warren:  "Com-mune."

Prosecution:  "Commune as in communism!  What are the first two syllables in the word organizer?"

Warren:  "Organ."

Prosecution:  "Organ, as in what part of a frog or chicken do witches put in their spells: Frog organs and chicken organs!"

Defense:  "Your honor, is the Prosecution trying to prove my case for me with this line of questioning?"

Judge:  "Where are you headed with this line of questioning, Mr Prosecutor?"

Prosecution:  "Your honor, members of the jury, why would the American voters elect a man whose main claim to fame outside of a mediocre political career was being a community organizer.  Most Americans wouldn't even know what a community organizer does, and it sounds to me as some sort of made-up job.  I believe Barack Hussein Obama was a community organizer because it is part of a Divine Code.  DaVinci had his code and we are witnessing God's code if we will only open our eyes and decipher it.  Later, during my questioning of another "exceptional" Democrat, I'm going to show you a picture having the accused standing at a podium addressing the American people and he appears to have two sets of horns on his head.  Maybe, just maybe, Barack Obama isn't just a witch.  Maybe, he's the son of Satan."

Defense:  "MISTRIAL!  MISTRIAL!  YOUR HONOR, I DEMAND AN IMMEDIATE MISTRIAL!

Judge:  "ORDER!  ORDER IN THE COURT.  Bailiff, sequester the jurors.  Mr. Prosecutor, Mr. Defender, to my chamber.  NOW!"

I Turned My Lights On To See Earth Hour Better

CHOOSE A CAPTION BELOW OR MAKE YOUR OWN

"I HATE CASUAL FRIDAYS.  I MUCH PREFER MY BLACK CHOPPER."

"YOU SAID YOU COULD LAND ON A DIME, SO WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IT THERE?"

"WAX THE CHOPPER AND CAMILLA'S LEGS WHILE I'M GONE."

"I THINK I OVERDRESSED FOR MY FLASHERS ANONYMOUS MEETING."

"GOD SAVED THE QUEEN.  NEXT TIME COME IN LOWER AND FASTER, FITZHUGH."

Prince Charles pleaded with the commoners to turn off their lights Friday evening for Earth Hour.  He then took an 80 mile chopper ride on Sunday.  

The Friday after Earth Hour Friday should be Mirth Hour Friday where flat-earthers laugh at the buffoons who turned off their lights the week before.

That Explains That

The Obamas were in Hawaii and Biden was checking out the "big chair" when the red phone rang.  It was the Pentagon saying the Taliban had captured Bowe Bergdahl.  Joe thought the Pentagon said the Taliban had captured Bo the bird dog, and told them to do everthing possible to free the family pet.

It's going to be a lot tougher for Michelle to find help for the White House garden this year.  Last year, Barack couldn't contain his excitement when Michelle said she was going to the garden to pull on some weeds.  Unlike Bill Clinton, Barack knows the pleasures of inhaling.

There's a secret book in the Library of Congress that only presidents have access to.  Throughout history, presidents have added to the book things they believed best symbolized their presidencies.  Bush opened the book and found a pair of women's panties and never opened it again.  Obama removed the stained underwear and kept them because they reminded him of golden moments spent with Frank Marshall Davis.  (See Obama's poetry)

There's a subterranean vault beneath the White House for national emergencies.  There's no truth to the rumors that Michelle has moved Sasha and Malia's bedrooms down there because she knows Barack's and John Kerry's negotiating skills.

There are National Security Council discussions of replacing the Secret Service with Victoria's Secret.  There won't be any reduction in the president's safety and Michelle will have someone to give the food to that she takes away from school lunchrooms.

When referring to HRC, I have been personally warned by Hillary Clinton Super Volunteers not to use words or phrases like skank, she-male, political whore, empty pants suit, or New York's illegal immigrant, but they say I can denigrate Bill as much as I like.  So I'll just refer to Hillary as Bill's turd term.

The Selma Witch Trial

You Can't Spell Selma Without S-A-L-E-M

Judge:  "Will the accused please rise.  Barack Hussein Obama Jr, you are accused of the capital crime of practicing witchcraft.  How do you plead?"

BHO:  "Not guilty."

Judge:  "Is the State ready for its opening argument?"

Prosecutor:  "We are, your honor.  Your honor, members of the jury, the State will prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the defendant, Barack Hussein Obama, willfully practiced witchcraft for the purpose of attaining high office.  We will show the defendant, in his own words, describing how his birth was a direct result of the civil rights march in Selma, Alabama in 1965.  We will also show the court the notarized birth certificate of Barack Hussein Obama Jr. having a birth date of 1961.  Now, either the defendant was spawned through witchcraft or he's a goddamned liar."

Judge:  "I won't tolerate profanity in my court!  Any more profanity will get you contempt of court."

Prosecutor:  "I apologize your honor.  The deeds of the defendant and their results have been of such a grave nature to our country, and the world, that I let my emotions get the better of me.  May I proceed with my opening argument?"

Judge:  "You may."

Prosecutor:  "The State is going to show the defendant on innumerable occasions feeding transparently obvious lies to the public.  The defendant said if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor, and he said his administration is the most transparent administration in history.  He said the death of ambassador Stephens at Benghazi was terrorism when, in fact, he blamed a video.  We have Mr. Hussein, on video, stating there was not a smidgen of corruption in the activities of Lois Lerner and other IRS employees while evaluating the tax statuses of conservative groups. The list of lies of Mr. Hussein is so extensive that the State has chosen to only present his most egregious lies, and we will present them to the court under the title, 2001 Lies, A Disgraced Odyssey.  Members of the jury, you will conclude that witchcraft had to be involved in Mr. Hussein obtaining the most powerful position in the world.  To do otherwise would be admitting the American people are stupider than dirt and no longer capable of self-government."

Defense Attorney:  Before I begin my opening argument, your honor, will you please instruct the prosecution to refer to my client by his proper name?"

Judge:  "The prosecution will refer to the defendant as the defendant or Mr. Obama."

Defense Attorney:  "Your honor, my client is president Obama."

Judge:  "The outcome of this trial will determine that, begin your argument."

Defense Attorney:  "Your honor, members of the jury, the defense will prove that the birth certificate of my client from the state of Hawaii is a forgery and that he was born after his parents came together following the march in Selma in 1965.  My client was born in Kenya.  We will present the defendant's Social Security number that bears the state of Connecticut's numerical prefix 042 even though president Obama has never lived in Connecticut.  We will also present to the court the defendant's college transcripts showing that he attended the most prestigious institutions in America as a foreign exchange student.  The defense will show that president Obama has lied to the electorate repeatedly, but never - NEVER - has there been witchcraft used by the president.  The defense will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the American people are just too damn stupid to govern themselves."