POTUS Showed Us and SCOTUS His ANUS. How Nauseous!

Possible Explanations for Obama not attending Scalia's funeral:

1.  Obama loves to sleep in on Saturdays following the late evening document dumps at the White House on Fridays.

2.  Obama enjoys relaxing Saturdays in the Rose Garden feeding the squirrels - before Biden wakes up and needs them.

3.  Josh Earnest's explanation that Biden would go because of his smaller security footprint made no sense to anyone.  That's because Earnest failed to call it "a smaller security carbon footprint".  Now, that makes sense!

4.  Obama did not go to Margaret Thatcher's funeral and sent not 1, not 2, but 3 White House aides to Michael Brown's funeral.  When Obama heard Scalia had died, he threw his arms up and said, "Shoot!  I can't attend his funeral or Republicans will label me a misogynist."

5.  Obama is certain he read in the Affordable Care Act that antoninscalia is a highly infectious disease, and whoever died from it could still be contagious.  Obama had never heard of anyone named "Antonin".  Surely, that wasn't somebody's name.  People were named Mohammed, Malcolm X, Beyonce, Jay Z and GloZell in Obama's world.

6.  Obama knows a lot of Americans think he's a narcissist and he didn't want to add to that perception by going to a church that venerates his birth:  The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.

7.  Instead of listening to a Catholic choir, Obama and CIA director John Brennan planned to listen to the Muslim call to prayer, which they know is "one of the prettiest sounds on Earth".

8.  Obama was hosting a DNC gathering at the White House to unveil the new logo for the Democratic Party:

Commie Monkey Baby

 

 

 

"Commie monkey baby, Commie monkey baby!"  Get your Commie monkey baby and receive free college, free healthcare, free public transportation, free broadband, free housing, free food, free prescription drugs and marijuana, and free abortions-on-demand.  Get all national debt free too!  Have a baby and get two free years to decide whether you want to keep it.  Decide you don't want to keep the "post-fetal tissue" prior to its second year and abort it free of charge.  After all, everyone knows that "the tissue" isn't human until it stops living in the moment and begins to predict future desires and goals.  Do you know there was a time when parents waited a couple of years before naming their "post-fetal tissues" because "infant" mortality was so high?  Apparently, postponing the naming of the "infant" might have lessened the grief should the "child" die.  Well, your Commie monkey baby is going to give you back that freedom.  Why name something you're not going to keep?  It'll make it easier when the Planned Parenthood "nursery" comes by for the garbage and recyclables.

It's going to be difficult to keep up with all the free things you'll get with your Commie monkey baby, so just boil it down to: Your Commie monkey baby is going to be throwing a lot of free shit your way.

The Wager of Edmund Fitzgerald

The legend lives on from his commie Ma on down

Of the abortion doc they called Barack Obama.

Now Barack, it is said, never got out of his bed

Even when men were dying in Benghazi.

With a load of irons for twenty-six rounds or more

His putter swings would leave the holes empty.

The words he would mutter were only fit for the gutter

Shocking the Gals of No Gender who golfed surly.

Edmund Fitzgerald was the pride of the proctology side.

He could do a complete exam in half an hour.

As doctors go, he was quicker than most

And his plans of action were well-reasoned.

His hands left no germs. They were supple but still firm.

His office was fully staffed in Cleveland.

Late at night, well past when his dinner bell rang,

You’d still find him with rectums he’d been feelin’.

Rahm Emanuel in Chicago was a tattle-tale clown

Who claimed Barack could beat Edmund with his wailing.

The three men knew, as any internist did too:

A preborn’s for killin’; a colon’s for healin'.

The wagers came late and the contest had to wait

Until the Gals of No Gender got their bets in.

When afternoon came they had set the game

In the face of a hurricane of betting.

The rules had been set that Obama had to let

The hospital vote for his colonoscopy patient.

Fitzgerald was shrewd and as a Democrat approved

Of stuffing the ballot box with his selection.

He had the Mexican landscape crew and his dead mother too

Vote for the physician’s assistant, Moe Vender.

When the votes were all cast and the decision announced,

It was sweet music to Edmund Fitzgerald.

How shall it be said that Moe Vender was large?

If one chose, one might picture a coal barge.

Now take that view and multiply it by two

And one begins to see the challenge Barack was facing.

Moe ate 12 eggs for breakfast and 12 burgers for lunch.

Between, racks of lamb were a nibble for brunch.

A serving of veggies was Jelly Belly orange slices

Or apple cobbler with cinnamon spices.

Moe was put under without a hitch or a blunder

And a 5 horsepower pump began the work of distending.

Barack started examining the polyps deep within,

When the winds of Moe Vender came early.

Nurse Huron rolls as Moe Vender blows

And Barack grabs a patch of Moe’s back hair.

With 5 minutes left, he had to be dexterous and swift

If he’s going to beat the time of Edmund Fitzgerald.

It was quite a feat hanging on to Moe’s feet

As he held the fiber-optic camera with his bare teeth.

Obama turned blue and his nurses did too

When the gales from Moe Vender came early.

In a musty old hall in Chicago they prayed

In the Black Liberation Cathedral.

The church bell chimed till it rang 29 times

For each second Barack lost to Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from his commie Ma on down
Of the abortion doc they called Barack Obama.
Satan, it's said, never gives up his dead
Especially when they killed babies so early.

Fat Bastard Jr. OR Fat Bastard "The Boy"

First, he ate Mitt's lunch, then he ate Rubio's lunch.

Just whose side is he on?

Shakespeare Did Not Write "This America"

From Act 2, Scene 2 of Romeo and Juliet:  What's in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.  So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, retain that sweet perfection which he owes without that title.

From the final, interminable act of This America:  "If George Zimmerman had used the name Jorge Mesa, the Trayvon Martin confrontation never would have made front-page news."

In case you've lost your place in This America, your bookmark should be here:

The racist black bitch strutted her ass in front of a billion people giving homage to the violence-mongering Black Panthers and Malcolm X, while singing lyrics about police brutality and wearing garb festooned with "bullets".  The mind benders were not at all offended by this.  Their ire was unleashed on a Doritos commercial that humanized a human "fetus".

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/431014/race-privilege-america

Is Obama an Acorn Head?

During the time-frame that Iran released the four imprisoned Americans, Kerry and the Obama administration gave $1.3 billion to Iran (quid pro quo?).  The administration claimed the money was a settlement of $400 million Iran claimed was owed it going back to 1979, plus interest.  In 1979, Iran's leaders were powerless to free over 60 Americans being held by Iranian students in the US embassy.  Iran's government couldn't do a thing against students holding Americans, but the government finds it easy to kill students holding signs.

On a different topic, we should give Guccifer a medal.  "Guccifer" is the pseudonym of Romanian hacker Lehel Lazar, who hacked into and took control of Sidney Blumenthal's AOL email account.  Guccifer copied emails pertaining to Libya and other international topics Blumenthal had sent to the email address "hdr22@clintonemail.com".

Guccifer is not fighting extradition to the US.  Just, another nail in Clinton's coffin.  There's enough nails now to bury both Hillary and the State Department.

No Legacy to Stand On

Of the many legal practices of the Iranian justice system, one is shooting young Iranians peacefully protesting in the streets while holding signs beseeching Obama to stand with them.  Coming to their defense, what was it Obama said?  A, B, C, D...J,K,L,M,N.  N, it started with N.  Nay, naval, nation, naked.  No, November, December.  (Is this what the onset of Alzheimer's is like?  I once didn't go through the alphabet to remember names or words.)  Nuh, nuts, nothing.  Nothing.  That's it.  Obama said nothing.

Now, if you're Stephen Hawking, nothing is pretty damn hot!  Because, before the Big Bang, nothing was everything.  For the rest of us, we should be humiliated and appalled that our president stood by and said nothing and did nothing while young Iranians were slaughtered simply because they wanted freedom.  For Obama, a few dead protesters is a price worth paying, if later he gets a nuclear deal with Iran's Shiite leadership.  Another legal practice of their justice system and their faith is that lying to infidels is good.

Obama went on his "apology tour" in 2009, confessing America's sins on three continents.  Remember when he was showing despotic world leaders the top of his head, and showing you his nostrils?  His handlers cured him of that bad habit of holding his nose up in short order.  But in seven years, they haven't come close to curing him of lying and incompetence.   It was probably just a coincidence that the Arab Spring began in December 2010 and culminated in the ouster of Egypt's Mubarak in 2011.  The Muslim Brotherhood was elected to power in Egypt, which led to the brutal and deadly persecution of the country's Coptic Christians.  Christianity is not to be tolerated in fundamentalist Islamic countries.  What kind of countries flourish under Obama's tenure?

Obama pulled all American forces out of Iraq, saving defeat from the jaws of victory.  That has led to Iraq's Shia government aligning more and more with Shia Iran, and Iraq's Sunni regions coming under the control of ISIS to some extent.  It is also leading to the extermination and exodus of Christians in Iraq as well as the Yazidi people.

Obama verbally threatened Syrian leader, Bashar Al-Assad, with a red line of serious consequences should the Syrian leader use chemical weapons against Syria's populace.  The red line turned out to have as much substance as Obama's support for the Iranian Green Movement of 2009.  The red line was composed of nothing.  The violence in Syria has led to a mass exodus of its people, with scores of people drowning attempting to reach Europe.

Obama and Hillary led from behind to remove Muammar Qaddafi in Libya.  Qaddafi was killed and Libya was changed from a country to a "kill box" for different warring Muslim factions including ISIS.  Under Qaddafi, at least foreign embassies were relatively safe and four Americans wouldn't have died as America's military stood down and Obama slept.  Hillary was probably trying to save ambassador Stephens, but it just took her aides more than thirteen hours to remove the classified headings and cut and paste information from Stephens' dispatches to her emails.  God forbid that the Secretary of State receive anything classified!

OBAMA AND THE CAPTAIN OF THE COSTA CONCORDIA HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.  THEIR INCOMPETENCE KILLS PEOPLE.

The Arab Spring that began after Obama's apology tour has morphed into a modern-day Exodus.  Western Europe is being besieged by Muslims from North Africa and Syria who don't have any intention of adopting western values.  With European birth rates declining, European culture is facing an existential threat.  Obama's greatest legacy may be the creation of a caliphate from Afghanistan to England.

Obama stopped the installation of a missile shield in Poland.  Putin smelled weakness and stole Crimea from Ukraine.  Putin is also waging a war using mercenaries in Ukraine.  Russia most certainly assisted in downing a Malaysian airliner over Ukraine, killing hundreds of civilian passengers.  How has Obama responded to this barbaric aggression?  He's given Ukraine meals-ready-to-eat, but no defensive weapons.  And in his last State of the Union, he called Ukraine a client state of Russia!  We Americans have become so inured to the incompetence of our government that we didn't even raise an eyebrow to this sell-out of a sovereign government.  How damn sad! 

When the American embassy was reopened in Cuba, opponents to the Castro regime were unwelcome.  Obama will have to move fast in his final year to close Gitmo and turn Guantanamo over to the Castros.   

Obama should consider backing a Republican.  With a legacy like his, he shouldn't want to save it.

God Said to Noah,

"Build an Ark 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high."

To assist Noah in building an Ark, God gave Noah a measuring stick that was 1 cubit long and was marked in tenths of a cubit.  The stick was made of a heavenly material that did not expand or contract in length, whatever the temperature.  So, thank God, no matter how hot the climate got, a cubit was still a cubit.  Together with his friend, Nassau, Noah began drawing the plans for an Ark.  They decided the timbers for the Ark must be cut to an accuracy of one-hundredth of a cubit.

With the plans for the Ark all drawn out and every cut of every timber specified to one-hundredth of a cubit, Noah took the plans and the measuring stick to the master builder, Carson.  Carson looked at the plans and looked at the measuring stick.

Carson said to Noah, "I'll be honest and tell you I can't build this Ark.  You've given me specifications to cut every timber to an accuracy of plus or minus one-hundredth of a cubit, yet you've given me a measuring stick with an accuracy of plus or minus one-tenth of a cubit."

Noah responded,  "There is another master builder.  If you won't build the Ark, I'll ask Trump."

Trump agreed to build the Ark.  "It will be the greatest Ark ever and I'll get the Mexicans to pay for it.  It will be huuuge!", Trump said.  So, together with two Corinthians, Trump began building.

Every cut of every timber started an argument.  The two Corinthians and Trump would argue over what was 10 and five-hundredths cubits and what was 10 and six-hundredths cubits.  The project to build the Ark stalled and the melting polar ice caps didn't. 

The moral of this story is:  Don't pay attention to people who say they can measure things to accuracies finer than the tools they measure with.  Such people are idiots and certainly not scientific.

Dr. Richard Lindzen said, “When someone [NOAA and NASA] points to this [a graph] and says this is the warmest temperature on record [2015]. What are they talking about? It’s just nonsense. This is a very tiny change period. And they are arguing over hundredths of a degree when it is uncertain in tenths of a degree.”

http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2016/01/21/2825535/

Children of the Corn

In the movie Interstellar, the Earth is an inhospitable place where nothing grows but corn, sort of like Iowa.  Iowa is so boring that getting out in arctic-temperature weather and spending a whole evening talking about politicians and voting is considered fun.  When you can't watch corn grow, you have to do something to pass the time.

It just goes to show what a screwed-up world this is when Iowans are given more influence in choosing a presidential nominee than people who know a God's little acre when they see it, Southerners for example.

Presidential candidates lose their testicles in Iowa faster than Joni Ernst can snip. Even "The Don" got snipped faster than you can say "You're fired!".  They were huuuuge!  So, candidates leave Iowa already having sold the farm (your farm) to the Ethanol Lobby.  What did you get for your farm?  You got the privilege to support the production of worse-than-useless ethanol with your taxpayer dollars.

Corn ethanol cost taxpayers approximately $40 billion in tax credits (subsidies) between 1978 and 2012.  (NASA could put a permanent colony on the moon and begin mining helium 3 for fusion power research with $40 billion.)  Taxpayers spend an additional $10 billion per year in fuel costs because gasoline with 10% ethanol is more expensive and gets poorer gas mileage.  Forty percent of America's corn crop goes toward ethanol production.  That drives up food prices, puts cattle ranchers out of business, and increases the costs of federal nutrition programs.  It also increases the costs of feeding those GITMO detainees, which Obama failed to mention.  (GITMO is such a budget-buster!)  In 2016, Americans will spend an additional $3.5 billion on food because of the mandates Congress enacted for the use of biofuels.

In addition to its costs, gasoline with ethanol pollutes more than gasoline without ethanol.  Making ethanol fuel from corn is also immoral.  About 1 in 9 people in the world do not have enough food to lead a healthy, active life.  America turning 40% of its corn crop into fuel when there are vast amounts of fuels, provided by God, beneath our feet is inhumane.

The Children of the Corn is a horror movie.  Now, you know why.

Obama is What Lies Beyond the Bottom of the Barrel

Obama's presidency is like a bad movie.  It's like a Quinton Tarantino movie where this black, evil son-of-a-bitch goes around killing "the some good that's left in this world that's worth fighting for".  An apt title would be The Desolation of Smug.

Earth to Paris

Dear Citizens of Paris,

We, the people of Earth, will not argue the point that some man-caused disaster befell your beautiful city on Friday the 13th, close to the witching hour.  The cries of fear and death, the moribund bodies strewn about, and all the restaurant meals glazed in crimson make any debate on that subject moot.  But, while we will not argue that a man-caused disaster occurred, we vehemently object to French President Hollande blaming ISIS for this overly enthusiastic protest.

On the morning of Friday the 13th, President Obama on ABC's Good Morning America told George Stephanopoulos, "... we have contained them [ISIS]."  Obviously, if the president of America has contained ISIS, then ISIS cannot be responsible for the late-night partying that got out of hand because firearms are not adequately controlled in France.  The debate is over.  It wasn't ISIS.  It may have been a video, and the White House has recalled Hillary Clinton to investigate the possibility.  But, at this point, what difference does it make?  Was it because of a protest or was it because a bunch of guys out for a walk Friday night decided to go kill some Frenchies?

Don't press the issue that it was ISIS.  To do so will cause president Obama to perform all sorts of rhetorical gymnastics for days on end defending his claim, and frankly those are feats of flaccid serpentine movements that have gotten old and disgusting to watch.  We've seen Obama twist himself into a Gordian knot for seven years, now.  The debate is over.  He can cover his ass with his flaccid, serpentine spine. 

We, the people of Earth, grieve with you in your loss.  But, we must grieve quickly and move on.  In December, the world governments are coming to Paris to convene a conference on climate change.  As you know, anthropogenic climate change is the greatest threat facing Mankind - far, far, far greater than a few immature Muslims practicing their faith on a Friday night.  Muslims, who by the way, don't realize that this is the 21st century and this type of behavior is not supposed to exist anymore.

Sincerely Yours,

Earth

A Video Is To Blame