The Wager of Edmund Fitzgerald

The legend lives on from his commie Ma on down

Of the abortion doc they called Barack Obama.

Now Barack, it is said, never got out of his bed

Even when men were dying in Benghazi.

With a load of irons for twenty-six rounds or more

His putter swings would leave the holes empty.

The words he would mutter were only fit for the gutter

Shocking the Gals of No Gender who golfed surly.

Edmund Fitzgerald was the pride of the proctology side.

He could do a complete exam in half an hour.

As doctors go, he was quicker than most

And his plans of action were well-reasoned.

His hands left no germs. They were supple but still firm.

His office was fully staffed in Cleveland.

Late at night, well past when his dinner bell rang,

You’d still find him with rectums he’d been feelin’.

Rahm Emanuel in Chicago was a tattle-tale clown

Who claimed Barack could beat Edmund with his wailing.

The three men knew, as any internist did too:

A preborn’s for killin’; a colon’s for healin'.

The wagers came late and the contest had to wait

Until the Gals of No Gender got their bets in.

When afternoon came they had set the game

In the face of a hurricane of betting.

The rules had been set that Obama had to let

The hospital vote for his colonoscopy patient.

Fitzgerald was shrewd and as a Democrat approved

Of stuffing the ballot box with his selection.

He had the Mexican landscape crew and his dead mother too

Vote for the physician’s assistant, Moe Vender.

When the votes were all cast and the decision announced,

It was sweet music to Edmund Fitzgerald.

How shall it be said that Moe Vender was large?

If one chose, one might picture a coal barge.

Now take that view and multiply it by two

And one begins to see the challenge Barack was facing.

Moe ate 12 eggs for breakfast and 12 burgers for lunch.

Between, racks of lamb were a nibble for brunch.

A serving of veggies was Jelly Belly orange slices

Or apple cobbler with cinnamon spices.

Moe was put under without a hitch or a blunder

And a 5 horsepower pump began the work of distending.

Barack started examining the polyps deep within,

When the winds of Moe Vender came early.

Nurse Huron rolls as Moe Vender blows

And Barack grabs a patch of Moe’s back hair.

With 5 minutes left, he had to be dexterous and swift

If he’s going to beat the time of Edmund Fitzgerald.

It was quite a feat hanging on to Moe’s feet

As he held the fiber-optic camera with his bare teeth.

Obama turned blue and his nurses did too

When the gales from Moe Vender came early.

In a musty old hall in Chicago they prayed

In the Black Liberation Cathedral.

The church bell chimed till it rang 29 times

For each second Barack lost to Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from his commie Ma on down
Of the abortion doc they called Barack Obama.
Satan, it's said, never gives up his dead
Especially when they killed babies so early.