Possible Explanations for Obama not attending Scalia's funeral:
1. Obama loves to sleep in on Saturdays following the late evening document dumps at the White House on Fridays.
2. Obama enjoys relaxing Saturdays in the Rose Garden feeding the squirrels - before Biden wakes up and needs them.
3. Josh Earnest's explanation that Biden would go because of his smaller security footprint made no sense to anyone. That's because Earnest failed to call it "a smaller security carbon footprint". Now, that makes sense!
4. Obama did not go to Margaret Thatcher's funeral and sent not 1, not 2, but 3 White House aides to Michael Brown's funeral. When Obama heard Scalia had died, he threw his arms up and said, "Shoot! I can't attend his funeral or Republicans will label me a misogynist."
5. Obama is certain he read in the Affordable Care Act that antoninscalia is a highly infectious disease, and whoever died from it could still be contagious. Obama had never heard of anyone named "Antonin". Surely, that wasn't somebody's name. People were named Mohammed, Malcolm X, Beyonce, Jay Z and GloZell in Obama's world.
6. Obama knows a lot of Americans think he's a narcissist and he didn't want to add to that perception by going to a church that venerates his birth: The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.
7. Instead of listening to a Catholic choir, Obama and CIA director John Brennan planned to listen to the Muslim call to prayer, which they know is "one of the prettiest sounds on Earth".
8. Obama was hosting a DNC gathering at the White House to unveil the new logo for the Democratic Party:
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