A Summer Read

You don't get high technology.  The technologies of coal power plants and nuclear power generation evade your comprehension, but you understand perfectly well the idea of a pinwheel rotating in the wind.  The concept is familiar to you because it's very similar to the squirrel cages in the heads of your supporters.  While the rest of the world is on iphones, you stick with an old-fashioned Blackberry and ponder:   Just what is this cloud people are talking about?  Is it caused by global warming?

You had just become familiar enough with Windows XP to double-click your mouse on a Windows desktop icon. (Mouse and squirrel, Natasha, where would world be without them?)  Now, Microsoft is ending support for XP and you're going to have to go to Microsoft 8.  You think maybe putting Bill Gates in jail might make him change his mind.  This worked with the media when your and Hillary's incompetence over Benghazi was not exposed by jailing a video maker.   But, Gates is helping finance Common Core, and Common Core will educate the kind of citizens America needs.  People like those at Occupy Wall Street who know where the restrooms are - right there next to the cop cars - and people who know how to vote in more than one state for Democrats.

You decide jailing Gates isn't such a good idea because it would set a bad precedent.  Not realizing you've already set the precedent, you BAD president.  No, you decide you'll muddle through.  I only hope America and the world can muddle through the two and a half years left in your second and final term.  Muddling through is the best we can expect.  The worst we can expect is none of us being around for Microsoft's discontinuance of Microsoft 8 support.

 

The Day Obama Saved Mankind

Aliens came down from the sky

Prior to an Obama whopping lie.

They went back to their ship

And said, "Earthmen we skip

For ingredients to luscious brain pie."

 

 

Reproductive health for a Democrat

Is just like celibacy for an alley cat.

What no period can tell

Is go see Gosnell

And where waiting 8 months is stat.

 

 

How do you tell Sebelius from Tiller?

One took the money from the other, the killer.

She and Barack

Could be hands of a clock

As their profiles resemble a Greek pillar.

 

 

Dirty Harry don't like cattlemen.

Hard work, for him, is rustling a pen.

His son totally agrees

Advising Chinese for fees.

Tape worms are their next of kin.

 

 

Grazing cattle and desert turtles,

Michael Moore and slimming girdles,

They don't get along

Like Barack and a bong.

Rhyming this limerick poses too many hurdles.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe It's Not a Lie in Pidgin English

Putin Took Crimea as an Act of Love

Jeb Bush is running for president.  Hillary is running for president.  I'm running for the border.

 

Joe Biden said illegal immigrants are already citizens. (They probably do already vote.)  Jeb said illegal immigrants didn't commit a felony but an act of love.  I guess Mexican "mules" carrying drugs across our border is just an act of capitalism.

 

Why don't the progs just let us take Mexico as an act of love?  We capitalists will rape the land of its vast amounts of oil, gold and other valuable resources and make everyone in Mexico at least middle class.  (I don't know why the Mexicans haven't thought of this.)  That way, there's no immigration problem and no Democrat voters crossing our border.  Initially, we'll have tp put up with the squalor and terrible crime of Mexico City, but we already have to put up with that.  We call it Detroit.

 

Here's the plan:  Operation Gringo starts May 6, 2015 at noon.  The Latinos will be weary from celebrating Cinco de Mayo and they will be taking a siesta.  (Sure, I'm a bigot.  But I'm a bigot trying to keep casualties to a minimum.)

 

 

 

How Does a Stool Pigeon Hide From the Mob?

ANSWER:  He blends in with similar-looking birds.

Obama is So Mad About the Ukraine, He Could Screen

And He Did

 

Wednesday, after working on his NCAA basketball brackets, Obama screened the movie Cesar Chavez.  Screening a movie is the same as watching a movie, except the viewers are VIPs, vain ignominious pricks.  A synonym for ignominious is contemptible.  And contemptible is a good word for Obama because you can't spell it without con.

 

Thursday, Obama went on Ellen Degeneres to hawk his healthcare program.  Obama made it clear to Putin that he can do anything he wants in Eastern Europe, but he better not come within a parsec of Obamacare or ICBMs will be launched. 

 

At Wednesday's screening of Cesar Chavez, Obama said, "Cesar himself said that he spent his first 20 years working as an organizer without a single major victory." 

 

Cesar sounds like Obama.  I bet the two had a lot in common.  Cesar probably urinated on heads of lettuce destined to be consumed by the gringos he likely detested, and Obama is simply more direct in showing his detestation.

 

With Obama being an utter disgrace and showing no compassion for the Ukrainians, I don't understand why there aren't screams for impeachment or public outcrys for him to resign.  Perhaps the reason there aren't these protestations can be found in a movie.

 

In the movie World War Z, a pathogen infects people, and in a matter of seconds turns them into mindless brutes.  They become listless, anti-social monsters having only one purpose:  Spread the pathogen by viciously attacking normal, thinking people.  They're like Democrats, except Democrats want to spread the pathogen progressivism and not some viral Zombiism.  In the movie, what drives the zombies absolutely wild and able to scale 50 foot walls is the sound of normal, thinking people celebrating, much like Bob Beckel reacting to the other 4 hosts of The Five.

 

I have concluded that there are no significant, widespread protestations against Obama because It's Over.   The world is too far gone.  When teens would rather stay home and text and Facebook than go to a school prom, when the only reactions from Republican congressmen to Russian aggression is to post stupid tweets, when the American public idly sits by and lets its government break promises to Poland, Czechoslavkia, Ukraine, and Iranian dissidents in Iraq, then its time to employ the only defense you have left.

 

Be quiet.  Be as quiet as a church mouse, and for God's sake, don't celebrate.

 

 

 

Dribs and Drabs

Let's spend an appropriate amount of time discussing Obama's international successes.

 

Now, let's move on to other topics.

 

What say we brainstorm Obama's successes in job creation and the economy?

 

Whoa!  Let's quickly move on.  You don't want to keep your nuerons in stasis for too long.  At our ages, it's hard to crank them back up.

 

Let's discuss the benefits of Obamacare.

 

We've worn that topic out, so let's move on.

 

Now, let's have an in-depth discussion on how Obama has stayed true to his oath of office.  To help you out, here is the presidential oath of office:

 

 “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

 

We've beat that horse to death, so it's time to move on.

 

Now, I'd like to spend some time pointing out the differences between a Democrat voter and a zombie.

 

OK, then.  We're almost through.

 

Let's end with a discussion about Obama winning the Nobel peace prize.

 

You know, not every dipshit can win a Nobel peace prize.  Many times, it's the dippiest shit on the planet that wins it.

 

Yasser Arafat won one.  Yasser thought the Third Reich translated into Arabic as the "Third Right", which was killing Jews with impunity.  Yasser's First Right was wearing a tablecloth on his head, and his Second Right was making a woman use her left hand to clean his bottom.  When Obama cuts and runs in Afghanistan, Afghan men will be able to exercise their Second Right once more.  Obama will show their Second Right more respect than he shows ours.

 

Al Gore shared the Nobel peace prize with the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).  They won for "their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change".  But, these cerebrally-challenged knuckle-draggers spend more time hiding knowledge that repudiates their claims of man-made climate change.  If there was any justice in this progressive world - a topic requiring as much ink as Obama successes - then the Audubon Society would put out Wanted Dead or Alive posters on these Nobel recipients for backing solar collectors that fry birds to a crisp and wind turbines that shred birds and bats to pieces, including bald eagles.

 

Jimmy Carter also won a Nobel peace prize.  Jimmy kissed the cheeks of Leonid Brezhnev.  All four.  Jimmy remained hostage in the White House, in solidarity with the Iranian hostages that stayed in captivity for 444 days during his presidency.  Jimmy has gone to North Korea multiple times to do whatever it is he does.  If he put some bling in his nose, ears and mouth, you couldn't tell the difference between his diplomatic skills and Dennis Rodman's.  But, Jimmy isn't without some redeeming qualities.  He works hard with Habitat for Humanity and he's a pretty good carpenter, except he doesn't like the term "striking nails".  He prefers to think of it as "accomodating them".  You know, I never understood what Jimmy meant when he said he was born again.  Now, I think he meant he was born again in Hawaii.

 

Or was it Kenya?

 

 

Obamacomics: Between Two Urns

It's Not Enough to Be Right

There are imbeciles that lean far to the left

With tiny brains that fall through palates' cleft.

When one opens its mouth,

Its tiny brain drops due South

Leaving it to talk where all sense is bereft.

You've heard the imbecile talking global warming.

It screams "Heat!" while on its nose frostbite's forming.

Northern Alaska was so hot

During a dinosaur epoch

That succulent plants were drenched during storming.

And what of the imbecile loving Darwin,

Drinking scotch and hopping in its car when

Before a loveless poke

Came a bridge and a soak.

Thank God!  There were no delays then.

If we were both right and humane

We'd grab the imbecile and scramble its brain.

We'd rotate its bod,

Crush its skull with a rod

Because life's not worth living while insane.

Going Postal in Emails

Pelosi moonlights as a bearded lady.

For anonymity, she's Unshaved Sadie.

Facial lifts she's done

Till pubic hair sees sun

And fleas find her chin quite shady.

 

 

Lil' Barry don't like Green Eggs and Ham

Because he's a closet muz-lamb.

Give him a crayon

No red line could he stay on

But he'll draw America into a jamb.

 

 

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-TV/2014/03/09/Pelosi-Claims-An-Anonymous-Republican-Told-Her-Poor-Hungry-Children-Are-Invisible-to-Indifferent-GOP

 

Obama, Reid, and Pelosi.  Like birds opening milk bottles and fishing with pieces of bread, these three's unparalleled audacity in mendacity must be an example of cultural transmission.  Perhaps, the first birdbrain that learned to "open the milk bottle" was Bill Clinton, who passed it on to Hillary Clinton and then to all Democrat politicians.

 

 

 

 

Don't Eat Burritos After Nine

I dreamed about the Westminster dog show

Where the purest of dogs was dealt a low blow.

A dog of lowest breed

On Lady Liberty peed

And hiking both legs in the air stole the show.

 

I dreamed of the Westminster cathedral,

All filled with EMPed people.

They were eating their own

Down to the bare bone

And body parts skewered on the church steeple.

 

There were well over 100 million people killed by tyrants in the twentieth century.  What say, John Kerry, we go for well over 200 million in the twenty-first century.  With tyrants like "Little Kim", imbeciles like you and Obama, and media lapdogs like Bill O'Reilly, it's going to be a slamdunk.

 

 

 

I'm Only Packing Poetry, So Don't Shoot

 

 

There once was a cowpie named Kerry

Who only ate the cream of Ben and Jerry.

When the 21st century came,

He proclaimed the world tame

And G8 nations would be like cows on a dairy.

 

There's nothing uglier than a political prog.

There's more beauty in slugs on a rotting log.

If I had my wish,

They'd be stomped till they squish.

Let's start with those two on a White House jog.

 

There once was a man named Bob Beckel

Who was more of a Hyde than a Jekyll.

He befriended Perino

And little did she know

He fancied her bra he'd unbuckle.

 

(The only capitalism Bob Beckel seems to appreciate is teen girls practicing prostitution.)

 

There once was a pussy named Reid

Who sprang from the dirt where rats peed.

He favored Pelosi,

But Barack mostly.

No matter, they all lived the same creed.