QUESTION: How do you stop an angry mob of lawless rioters?
ANSWER: You call for a special election and the Democratic Party will bus them, in orderly fashion, to the polls.
QUESTION: How do you tell the difference between the dance moves in a Beyonce concert and the moves of street thugs falling over themselves as they scramble through broken store windows?
ANSWER: Beyonce's parts jiggle more.
QUESTION: Is it just a conspiracy theory that Barack Obama had Michael Brown killed to get Fox News obsessed with Ferguson and off the White House scandals?
ANSWER: No, it's not just a conspiracy theory, it's my conspiracy theory and I'm sticking to it until I come up with one that doesn't involve eliminating a Democrat voter.
QUESTION: Is there any truth to the rumor that the NFL wants the town of Ferguson to perform and sing the Mylie Cyrus song Wrecking Ball at this winter's Super Bowl?
ANSWER: None whatsoever. Ferguson refused to pay to perform.
QUESTION: What's the difference between the Pied Piper and Eric Holder?
ANSWER: The Pied Piper was a white man who could charm rats and Eric Holder is a rat who doesn't find anything charming about white men, or white women for that matter.
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