Obamacomics 10/18

Progressive History

ObamaComics



THE WASHINGTON WALMARTERS



The World Won't End With a Whimper

But With a Whopper

 

The following, in blue, is excerpted from Bill Clinton's eulogy of Rosa Parks in 2005 (sourced from http://www.democracynow.org/2005/11/3/bill_clinton_rosa_parks_made_us):

 

I remember as if it were yesterday [it was yesterday when you concocted this lie, you idiot] that fateful day 50 years ago. I was a nine-year-old Southern white boy [BREAKING NEWS:  Bill Clinton is white] who rode a segregated bus every single day of my life [every single day of your life!]. I sat in the front [where I could fondle little Jennifer Flowers]. Black folk sat in the back [where my spit balls landed]. When Rosa showed us that black folks [why use plural here and singular before, Bubba?] didn’t have to sit in the back anymore, two of my friends and I who strongly approved of what she had done decided we didn’t have to sit in the front anymore [it sucks to sit up front!]. It was just a tiny gesture by three ordinary kids [from Arkansas who knew about Rosa Parks from Montgomery, Alabama], but that tiny gesture was repeated over and over again, millions and millions of times in the hearts and minds of children [ordinary children like me who knew about Rosa Parks from Montgomery, Alabama], their parents, their grandparents, their great grandparents [bigots who had just been waiting for someone to refuse to sit in the back for them to open their eyes], proving that she did help to set us all free [which those piss ant Founding Fathers had refused to do].

 

 

In Bill Clinton's speech at the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King's I have a Dream speech, Clinton said King's words opened minds, melted hearts and moved millions, including a seventeen-year-old watching the speech alone in Arkansas.  In concocting this lie, why do you think Clinton inserted the word alone?  Was it to suggest his gallant, lonely, Christ-like battle against Man's sins against blacks as a young man growing up in the South?

 

I must admit that I have some sympathy for Hillary.  She just doesn't have Bill's flare for bending the truth.  Her "stories" about the hundredfold profit in cattle futures in one year's time, being named for Sir Edmund Hillary, and her corkscrew landing in Bosnia to avoid enemy fire couldn't even be defended by the MSM.  In her marriage to Bill, it's just extremely hard for her to get a whopper in edgewise.

 

 

 

The Miley Cyrus of International Diplomacy

BEND OVER AND PREPARE TO BE PROBED.

America is in decline because America chooses to be.  Last November, Americans went to the polls and voted for four more years of lies, deceit and incompetence.  They voted for a man who didn't run on his record, but on a caricature of Mitt Romney's.  He didn't run on his war successes, but on an imaginary war on women and the valor of Seal Team Six.  He didn't run on his broken promises to end the influence of K Street; he ran on the money of K Street, Wall Street and Sesame Street.

 

One must begin to wonder, if one wonders, whether Obama is completely incompetent or incredibly sinister.  Even a blind squirrel is said to occasionally find an acorn, so Obama should be statistically ready to stumble on an acorn in international diplomacy.  If Obama doesn't sniff out the acorn in Syria, then why would anyone trust his perceptions on the really big issues such as NCAA brackets, why Cambridge police act stupidly and what surprised, enchanted, troubled and humbled him in his first 100 days?

 

My hunch is: Obama won't find the acorn.  The only acorn left to find is the destruction of Assad's air force which can be accomplished with stand-off weapons and not putting American airmen in harm's way.  Only a serious strike against Assad's military will have any meaning.  Should Obama just launch cruise missiles to cover his ass, that will be worse than doing nothing.  America's opponents will only intensify their probing of Obama's weaknesses.  And that's got to hurt. 

 

Not taking out substantial military assets will damage the moderate Syrian rebels' morale and embolden Assad.  The radical Islamist rebels will just smile and cut off another Christian head.  It will illustrate to Iran that America is a tiger only on paper and never will force the issue of Iran's nuclear ambitions during Obama's second term.  Israel will know that Iran's nukes are her problem alone.  Russia and China will confidently push their agendas as America's allies never again question America's resolve.  How do you question something that doesn't exist?

 

If you are depressed by what you see happening to America,  my advice is Don't fret over things you can't control.  We - the country - wanted this.  Attila the Hun didn't herd the children of a looted village ahead of his army to storm our gates.  He didn't pile dead bodies into ramps to breach our walls. 

 

We elected Atilla.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to the Common Era

With BCE (Before Common Era) and CE (Common Era) replacing BC and AD in many texts today to scrub Jesus from history, it's appropriate to begin scrubbing other icons from history when the opportunity arises.  Never let an earthquake or crisis go to waste.

Babawa Wawa Defends Bill Mar(d)

Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg defended Bill Maher after he called Sarah Palin's child, Trig, retarded.  According to Walters and Goldberg, Maher probably didn't know that to call someone retarded is offensive.

I completely agree with the bed-hopping whore and hymie-monikered jigaboo.

Total Recall My Ass

Little Kuato:  Go fast and furious.  Drop charges on the New Black Panthers.  Tap the phones of the AP and James Rosen.  Say "Illegals have a civil right to citizenship".  Kick that Christian German family here to home school their children out of the country.  Recuse yourself.  Say "I don't know".  And zip up your jacket, you stupid idjit!

 

 

 

 

The Dust Bowl

Satan brandished his mighty hand to protect his little spawn.

A dragon's fang gashed the ground and Moore Oklahoma was gone.

Lord turned his eyes away, twas such a sinful sight,

Opening his arms to the twenty children's delight.

 

At the top of the capital is the Latin phrase Laus Deo.

Progs fertilize the bottom and we reap what we and they sow.

Gosnell killed children by the score; planning kills much more.

God-given rights are blown away cause in righteousness we're dirt poor.

 

 

 

Recycling in a Prog World

Better Late Than Forever

One side claims he's moribund.

The other sees him dancing a jig,

While the ancients of the Cambrian shout,

"You have a grave to dig!"

I grew up sometime in my fifties.

I was a bearded child before then.

I listened as my betters said

Baboons and Man were kin.

They showed me the geologic strata

And the fossils that lie within.

They showed me an amphibian's leg

Evolving from a fish's fin.

They say the Earth is so undoubtedly

Billions plus millions of years old.

Plenty of time for Man to evolve

from his nemesis, the common cold.

They say that uranium splits apart.

It's atoms make the perfect clock.

They've used it to determine the planet's birth

Down to the first tick and tock.

They package their wisdom neatly.

It's a gem with no blemish or flaw.

So sure are they of their theory,

They like to call it Nature's law.

Who was I to question them?

They went to Harvard, some to MIT.

They had deciphered the genetic code

And I stocked shelves at A&P.

One day, I came of age

And saw them for what they were:

Bigoted, close-minded progressives

Who greet intelligent design with a slur.

I don't see how I ever believed

All life was by happenstance.

I now see God's works of miracles

Wherever my eyes may glance.

Darwinism is today's Piltdown Man

That once had me under its spell.

I just hope Dawkins' eyes are opened

Before he writes books in Hell.

Vicious Snakes

Black-Hearted Obamas and Black Mambas, which are deadlier?

One day Michelle is a busy, single mother and the next day she's a dead teenager.  Think I'm making this up?  Listen from the serpent's own lips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFGoQ1NSSWs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEZ4v1EP0T8&feature=player_embedded#!

Why did Barack Obama go 2 for 22 shooting hoops at the White House?

A.  He was playing h-o-r-s-e, and once he spelled "ho" he got distracted (and excited) making up a rapper song in his head.

B.  It was Easter and his hands ached from wounds he suffered over 2,000 years ago.

C.  He thought 2 for 22 was outstanding compared to the "O  for" he's made on green energy companys.

D.  He threw 20 basketballs at Republicans, and went 20 for 20.

E.  White Trash were demonstrating and shouting outside the White House fence about the hypocracy of closing the White House to tours because of budget constraints while Joe Biden goes on vacation 3 times already in 2013, Sasha and Malia go to the Bahamas and Sun Valley, Utah during Spring break, and a musical extravaganza will soon be held at the White House.

F.  Answers A through D are correct.  Answer E is ridiculous because white trash like me have given up.